#HumorousHolidayHorrors

Published December 12, 2017 by Shadow Girl


☃️ Who needs cookies & milk when you have flies & blood☃️

 

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Today’s Google Doodle celebrates the 308th birthday of lexicographer Samuel Johnson

Published September 18, 2017 by Shadow Girl

Samuel Johnson created the first great English dictionary.

Johnson was a poet, essayist, critic, biographer, an editor, and most importantly (today anyway) – a lexicographer.
His 1755 dictionary was the first truly comprehensive dictionary of the language, and remained the gold standard until The Oxford English Dictionary of 1884 — but one of the best reasons to remember him is – dude was hilarious!

Some of Johnson’s entries are still a complete crack-up. In fact, he was so funny that his buddy Boswell spent 22 years basically just following him around, filling 18 volumes with his various ‘Samuelisms’, creating The Life of Samuel Johnson.
Samuel Johnson was so funny that the only person in the English language who’s quoted more often is Shakespeare.

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To celebrate our fellow lover of lexicology, let’s giggle with some of Johnson’s most notable & quotable dictionary entries –

Lexicographer: A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.

Cough: A convulsion of the lungs, vellicated by some sharp serosity.

Distiller: One who makes and sells pernicious and inflammatory spirits.

Dull: Not exhilaterating (sic); not delightful; as, to make dictionaries isdull work.

Excise: A hateful tax levied upon commodities, and adjudged not by the common judges of property, but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid.

Far-fetch: A deep stratagem. A ludicrous word.

Jobbernowl: Loggerhead; blockhead.

Kickshaw: A dish so changed by the cookery that it can scarcely be known.

Network: Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections. (See how he defined ‘reticulated,’ below.)

Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland appears to support the people.

Pastern: The knee of a horse. (This is wrong. When Johnson was once asked how he came to make such a mistake, Boswell tells us he replied,“Ignorance, Madam, pure ignorance.”)

Patron: One who countenances, supports or protects. Commonly a wretch who supports with insolence, and is paid with flattery.

Pension: An allowance made to any one without an equivalent. In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a state hireling for treason to his country.

Politician: 1. One versed in the arts of government; one skilled in politicks. 2. A man of artifice; one of deep contrivance.

Reticulated: Made of network; formed with interstitial vacuities.

Tory: One who adheres to the ancient constitution of the state, and the apostolical hierarchy of the church of England, opposed to a Whig.

Whig: The name of a faction.

To worm: To deprive a dog of something, nobody knows what, under his tongue, which is said to prevent him, nobody knows why, from running mad.

“It is commonly observed, that when two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather; they are in haste to tell each other, what each must already know, that it is hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm.”The Idler

“I have, all my life long, been lying till noon; yet I tell all young men, and tell them with great sincerity, that nobody who does not rise early will ever do any good.”The Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides

“At the tea table he had considerable demands upon his favorite beverage, and I remember when Sir Joshua Reynolds at my house reminded him that he had drank eleven cups, he replied — ‘Sir, I did not count your glasses of wine, why should you number up my cups of tea?’” —The Life of Samuel Johnson, Vol. 2

“It can scarcely be candid not to make a previous declaration, that he is to expect little justice from the author of this extract, a hardened and shameless tea-drinker.”A Journal of Eight Days’ Journey


How well do you think you know Samuel Johnson’s dictionary?

Take this hilarious quiz to find out!

How well can you ever really know someone?

Published September 18, 2017 by Shadow Girl

Mommy DearestMommy Dearest by Willow Rose
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

 

You can really get to know someone in thirty days.
– Just ask Morgan Spurlock.

The faces that people show to the world are not always the same faces that look into our eyes when no one else is around – the ones trying to melt our soul with a mere glance.
I’m speaking generally, of course.
BUT… if my now mother-in-law would have come to stay with me and The Dark Defender way back when… I seriously would have just shot myself. I’d love to tell you that we’re now best of friends all these years later – but my lies smell like a fart in a car, so I’m not even going to try. (We’re getting a lot better with our face to face time though!)

Crystal is hoping to have a very different experience.
Her soon-to-be mother-in-law is coming to stay for a whole month, and she hopes that they’ll really be able to bond during that time. So what if she is just finding out what a mama’s boy her fiance is? Why should it bother her that they don’t speak English when they’re talking around her? She is just imagining those smug, self satisfied sneers coming from Mommy Dearest across the dinner table… right?

One month. That’s enough time to learn their habits, and get used to their quirks. It might even be enough time for everyone to start showing their real selves to one another…

Good luck, Crystal!

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This is the way the world ends – not with a bang but with a virus.

Published September 17, 2017 by Shadow Girl


Mass Hysteria
from #MichiganMadman Michael Patrick Hicks grabs 4 of 5 stars 

Mass Hysteria

Stargazing turns into a battle for survival after a freak, alien meteor shower causes everyone, and everything in Falls Breath to go bat-shit crazy (O.o)

I’m usually not much of a sci-fi fan, but this was a fast, furious, and fun read right from page one!

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A sight for sore eyes…

Published September 17, 2017 by Shadow Girl

Optical Delusion (Mail Order Massacres)

Optical Delusion by Hunter Shea
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

 

Optical Delusion centers around a gag-gift, ordered from the back of comic book, that begins to consume a man’s life.
Martin can’t stop peeking – but, for him, it’s all in the name of science! ::dramatic eye roll:: The fun is long over when Martin realizes that he has taken peeping too far, and there are just some things just can’t be unseen.

I love how Hunter Shea builds the story up!

You can feel the main characters inner conflict & turmoil in the beginning, but his desire to see more soon overrides any sense of guilt he may have once had.
It’s so much fun riding along as Martin loses his grip, and slides faster & further down that slippery slope!
I know I’d be in the same boat, My need to poke my nose into everything is already out of control – having x-ray specs would turn me into a fa-reak!

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Stop running! Where are you going?

Published August 24, 2017 by Shadow Girl

Let me show you the way…

Published August 23, 2017 by Shadow Girl

 

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