Humor

All posts in the Humor category

Today’s Google Doodle celebrates the 308th birthday of lexicographer Samuel Johnson

Published September 18, 2017 by Shadow Girl

Samuel Johnson created the first great English dictionary.

Johnson was a poet, essayist, critic, biographer, an editor, and most importantly (today anyway) – a lexicographer.
His 1755 dictionary was the first truly comprehensive dictionary of the language, and remained the gold standard until The Oxford English Dictionary of 1884 — but one of the best reasons to remember him is – dude was hilarious!

Some of Johnson’s entries are still a complete crack-up. In fact, he was so funny that his buddy Boswell spent 22 years basically just following him around, filling 18 volumes with his various ‘Samuelisms’, creating The Life of Samuel Johnson.
Samuel Johnson was so funny that the only person in the English language who’s quoted more often is Shakespeare.

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To celebrate our fellow lover of lexicology, let’s giggle with some of Johnson’s most notable & quotable dictionary entries –

Lexicographer: A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.

Cough: A convulsion of the lungs, vellicated by some sharp serosity.

Distiller: One who makes and sells pernicious and inflammatory spirits.

Dull: Not exhilaterating (sic); not delightful; as, to make dictionaries isdull work.

Excise: A hateful tax levied upon commodities, and adjudged not by the common judges of property, but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid.

Far-fetch: A deep stratagem. A ludicrous word.

Jobbernowl: Loggerhead; blockhead.

Kickshaw: A dish so changed by the cookery that it can scarcely be known.

Network: Any thing reticulated or decussated, at equal distances, with interstices between the intersections. (See how he defined ‘reticulated,’ below.)

Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland appears to support the people.

Pastern: The knee of a horse. (This is wrong. When Johnson was once asked how he came to make such a mistake, Boswell tells us he replied,“Ignorance, Madam, pure ignorance.”)

Patron: One who countenances, supports or protects. Commonly a wretch who supports with insolence, and is paid with flattery.

Pension: An allowance made to any one without an equivalent. In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a state hireling for treason to his country.

Politician: 1. One versed in the arts of government; one skilled in politicks. 2. A man of artifice; one of deep contrivance.

Reticulated: Made of network; formed with interstitial vacuities.

Tory: One who adheres to the ancient constitution of the state, and the apostolical hierarchy of the church of England, opposed to a Whig.

Whig: The name of a faction.

To worm: To deprive a dog of something, nobody knows what, under his tongue, which is said to prevent him, nobody knows why, from running mad.

“It is commonly observed, that when two Englishmen meet, their first talk is of the weather; they are in haste to tell each other, what each must already know, that it is hot or cold, bright or cloudy, windy or calm.”The Idler

“I have, all my life long, been lying till noon; yet I tell all young men, and tell them with great sincerity, that nobody who does not rise early will ever do any good.”The Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides

“At the tea table he had considerable demands upon his favorite beverage, and I remember when Sir Joshua Reynolds at my house reminded him that he had drank eleven cups, he replied — ‘Sir, I did not count your glasses of wine, why should you number up my cups of tea?’” —The Life of Samuel Johnson, Vol. 2

“It can scarcely be candid not to make a previous declaration, that he is to expect little justice from the author of this extract, a hardened and shameless tea-drinker.”A Journal of Eight Days’ Journey


How well do you think you know Samuel Johnson’s dictionary?

Take this hilarious quiz to find out!

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#Grammared

Published May 9, 2017 by Shadow Girl

It’s October!!

Published October 1, 2016 by Shadow Girl

horrorforlifenot-justhalloween

HELL NO: The Sensible Horror Film

Published August 25, 2016 by Shadow Girl

Imagine a realm where the most horrifying terrors of the underworld emerge to wreak bloody vengeance upon any who… hmm? what’s that? you wanna go literally anywhere else? yeah, good idea let’s get out of here.

 

 

“You wanna come?”

“No.  No I don’t.”

 

Trolling With Fake Book Covers

Published May 18, 2016 by Shadow Girl
* Original post by  on Buzzfeed 

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Watch what happens when Scott Rogowsky and Akilah Hughes secretly record peoples reactions as they ride the subway with brilliant mock book covers. I love every single thing about this!

The Buzzfeed article and this video led me to the original Taking Fake Book Covers on the Subway YouTube video –

I wish some of these titles were real!

HowToHoldFartsInCover

COUGARS, COOKIES AND CONSTRUCTION: THE THINGS I SEE UP HERE by Jack Chaser

Published February 1, 2016 by Shadow Girl

“No one looks up anymore. They’re always looking at their phones or their feet or the back of the person they are stalking.”   ~ Jack Chaser

“Lions and tigers and bears my ass!” ~ Jack Chaser

“There’s a whole different world you see from the rooftops that no one ever thinks about. You can see things no one realizes. Like people fighting trees. Or flying sex toys. Or cougars on the prowl. Baseball games and peanut butter cookies.” 

“Take a look inside. There’s a whole new world to see when you see the things I see up here.”     ~ Jack Chaser

 

Cougars, Cookies and Construction is written by one of my very favorite WP blogger buddies, Jack Chaser from The Things I See Up Here.

I’ve posted/reblogged some of Jack’s writing here before. His horror story SERIAL was featured during Coffin Hop 2013 – and I’ve been dying to read more ever since! (You can click HERE to read part one of SERIAL, then follow the links to read the additional segments, up to it’s horrifying conclusion!)

I married into a family of contractors, so Jack’s blog has been a constant source of entertainment for me and The Dark Defender. Now we have an entire book filled with seventeen years worth of on the job shenanigans! Read at your own risk – most of these stories could cause you to fall onto the floor laughing, or break a rib trying NOT to laugh in the middle of the night. But… amid the tales of dildo wars & bathroom emergencies are heartwarming insights into human nature – kindness, friendship, family, and A Legacy of Heroes.


Pick up your copy of Cougars, Cookies and Construction: The Things I See Up Heregrab a beer,  and  join us around the campfire… Jack Chaser has some stories to tell!

 

 

 

 

#HumorousHolidayHorrors ~ Feed me, Seymour!

Published December 10, 2015 by Shadow Girl

Who wants cookies and milk if you can have flies and blood?!

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