Categories
Last Minute Christmas Gifts
Category: Humor
Here we are with all of October before us, the time of year we wait for, the thirty one days we can let our hair down, and be ourselves.
This is our first year as readers with Godless Horror, and all the best of what we love is at our fingertips for so inexpensive that it almost don’t feel right! The authors are extremely giddy, putting out new content just for us, and I know my immediate TBR has never been so exciting!!
There’s just one problem, or problem area. Yeah, you read the title. I know that I feel like even though it’s going to give me the full on heebie-jeebies, It’s time to finally read Mother Maggot by Simon McHardy, Maggot Girl by Otis Bateman, Hell, even Lindsay Crook serves some up in Love Stumped! If my ‘badge of honor’ is what gets me started, fine, because I know that once I’m into them I’ll be laughing, and crying, and gagging, and laughing more because of the gags!!
Are you like me, and think you’ll be ok? Or maybe you’re worse, but you’re friends with the author(s) and think it would look bad if you didn’t R&R their books? It doesn’t matter what is holding us back, because I think I ran into an accidental cure.
But we can’t do it alone. We are going to call on our friend Sea Caummisar for some quick CBT! She can help train our brains to not see these vile, disgusting, shit eating hell bugs for what they are! She wrote a story called ‘PUNPKINS FOR CHEAP’. Run grab it from Amazon now. I’ll wait. Because this grotesque horror novelette is going to cure our phobias, and tame our gag reflexes! Have a peek at her South Park style disclaimer – This book should never be read by anyone. It’s gross and immature. It’s almost as if a small child wrote it. If you enjoy poorly written dark humor, you might like this book. I mean, there’s a chapter titled ‘Tampons Are Not Yummy’. So use your imagination as to what kind of story this is.
What if maggots evolved and wanted to take over the world?
A maggot has invaded Jimbo’s brain. The maggot has plans to make baby maggots and sell them inside jack-o-lanterns..
Get yourself settled in a nice comfy spot, cup of coffee or Mtn. Dew. You skipped dinner, right? (Hey, they’re STILL maggots, it just a safeguard for your carpet.)
If you finish this story, I don’t see how you could NOT want a little baby maggot of your very own! Dress it up, feed it 💩, have cute & quirky little names for all of it’s brothers and sisters, and talk baby talk to them all! “Who’s gonna take over the world one day… You are aren’t you!”
I know that I am feeling pretty empowered since I just reread PUNPKINS, (well – this time I listened to the audiobook version), and I think I’m about ready to see if I can make it through these titles without quitting, or puking. Thank you, Sharon ❣️ We owe you!
On the other hand – I take no responsibility for your brain, and if this has the opposite effect, if you become so phobic that you can’t even eat rice, or you try to claw your face off because you see maggots in the chicken… hey – anything for Halloween, right? 🎃
Happy reading – stay safe & stay healthy!
P, L & N 💋
sg
Mothet Maggot, Maggot Girl, and Love Stumped are all available on the Godless app and http://www.Godless.com
Punpkins For Cheap is available on KU, and Amazon.
REACTING TO BAD REVIEWS ~
Tips and Tricks from SG
You just read a very negative review of your work on a popular website – now what?
– First things first – react immediately.
– Drink. Heavily, if need be.
– Shop. Buying something expensive helps.
– Anonymously mail a dead fish to the reviewer who spoke such blasphemy against your book.
– Respond to their review, explaining why they are an ignorant douche-bag.
– Make them retract the review. Some ways include coercion, extortion, blackmail, kidnapping, and torture…
– Review them.
– Print out your bad reviews, then burn them. Or wallpaper your office – for motivation.
– Post reviewer’s address online, and encourage your fans to mail them …
THIS is how some horror authors handle bad reviews from worse reviewers…
Comment and tell us YOUR coping skills!
Borrowed from Ways Authors to Handle Bad Reviews Originally posted on INDIE AUTHOR NEWS 3/15/15
I’ve never done this before, but this post is dedicated to Sea Caummisar and [Her] My #1 Fan.
Fuckness by Andersen Prunty
Audiobook rating: 5 of 5 stars
I was about 25% into a reread of this yesterday when I ran into a copy of the audiobook via the author’s Twitter feed (@andersenprunty). I was doing a few things, so I switched it on right away.
Normally, (well, back when real life WAS normal), audio books are just a convenience for me, not a preference. I’ve trained my brain to become friends with my Kindle robo-voice to the point where I can listen to her during work commutes just like any narrator.
BUT…
The narrator of this Audible edition of Fuckness is so fuckin’ awesome that this ‘reread’ turned into an entirely new experience.
Jeff Bower is the narrator of Fuckness, and although I’m about to stalk his ass to see what else he’s done – he could just be The Voice of Andersen Prunty in my head forevermore. (Just DL’d an audio book which A.P. narrates himself, I’ll comment more after listening.)
Jeff Bower though…how can I explain… he has this evil little giggle that he does, kind of to himself, and it adds something undefinable to his character. Love it. It reminds me of that evil, psychotic side of myself when I’m heartily laughing at something that I shouldn’t be – does that help explain it?
I just made a quote from this book into a #BleedingMeme, check it out the new #BleedingMemes Page HERE.
Looking for the audiobook code? There are some codes left for many of his books, US and UK, HERE.
So, I’m trying to link you up to Jeff Bower directly, but I’m getting lost in infinite link loops. Oh, the horror!! But, I am seeing that he narrates non-fiction Wicca books, so… another bonus point for Jeff! (UPDATE: Twitter @JeffBowerLA – Loving husband. Aspiring Muppet.)
Peace, Love, and necrophilia ♡
~ Shadow Girl
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