AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: Matt Shaw

Before we start the interview, let me share Matt’s Biography from his Amazon Author page…

“MATT SHAW was born, quite by accident (his mother tripped, he shot out) September 30th 1980 in Winchester hospital where he was immediately placed on the baby ward and EBay. Some twelve years later (wandering the corridors of the hospital and playing with road kill when he was on day release), the listing closed and he remained unsold, he was booted out of the hospital to start his life as a writer and hobbit – beginning with writing screenplays and short stories for his own amusement before finally getting published when he was twenty-seven years and forty-five seconds old.
Once Published weekly in a lad’s magazine with his photography work, Matt Shaw is also a published author and cartoonist. Has to be said, can be a bit of a flirt and definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, somewhat of a klutz.
His favourite books:
“Roald Dahl’s Collection of Short Stories”
Tim Burton’s Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Anything, really, written by himself. Because he is that good.”

BBB: Almost everyone has heard my story of how I was introduced to your work, the post I made in the Kindle Horror Books FB page. I posted that I was looking for sick & twizted, and 99% of the answers were Matt Shaw.

MS: Aye, apparently I’ve a bit of a name for myself for being a bit sick in the head. Shame really because it means people tend to avoid me and I get real lonely. Even my blow-up doll went down on me (and not in a good way).

BBB: I started with SMILE.
Do you, or did you, ever have a slight case of Coulrophobia? Or, was that just you tapping into the fears of 15% of the world? (that’s an actual fact – 1 in 7 people suffer from a fear of clowns).

MS: Meh! Clowns don’t bother me. In fact, not a lot really does. There’s more things I hate compared to things which frighten me. For instance, I hate spiders. Seriously – what kind of fucking animal needs that many eyes and legs? It’s weird. Don’t trust ‘em. And snakes. Hate them too. If ever a snake or spider shall cross my path…They won’t live to tell the tale. Unless, of course, my lady is near-by because she really, really sulks if I kill things.

I remember a spider (massive, black fucker – not that I’m racist) ran across the wooden floor boards of my lounge. The little feet, on the wood, echoed through-out the room. Well naturally I did the ‘man’ thing of shouting for the other half to get it out of the house but she was complaining because she’d just done her nails. She said it would have to wait. Well we all know spiders don’t wait. It pegged it under my television unit. After that…The other half, she lost her chance to spare the spider. I pulled the whole television unit out until I was facing the beast…It was man vs tarantula. In an epic duel to the death. Obviously I won because I’m typing this (or am I – maybe the spider is actually typing it and pretending to be me). I won’t lie – it helped that I was attacking it with a samurai sword. Because I’m a fucking ninja. Spider 0 / Matt 1.

And then – only last week – I kid you not…An even bigger spider was in the bath. Doing the backstroke or something similar. I did a manly Tarzan style scream alerting Marie that all was not well. She came in and even got the shivers. Fair play to her, though, because she got a pint glass and got the beast. She took it outside and I made her carry it across the road (over her shoulders) to get rid of it. Well – you’ll never believe it – she’s coming back towards the house…I can see this spider running after her. Sure I could hear it screaming, “WAIT! WAIT! WAIT FOR ME!!!!” She ran in, I slammed the door. Team work.

©MattShaw — Spider looking up how to sue for wrongful eviction.

Hours later – she went to have a poo (or something similarly toilet related but perhaps less crass) when suddenly she screamed…Same fucking spider was back in there. The bastard. She fought her way out of the room…I fought my way in with one of my study books, curious to see if spiders like to read. For the record, it turns out spiders can’t actually carry the weight of a massive book (especially when dropped from a height) and he too died.

The other half sulked but I argued – he had a chance to live. He threw it back in our faces.

So…What was the question again? Ah yes, clowns. They don’t bother me.

BBB: Did you have a bad mall experience with your brother Steve when you guys were younger?

MS: Not really. My life has been pretty boring when I think about it. I once got lost at a show of sorts (big indoor arena show that my Granddad took me too). I can’t remember what it was and, although I was initially scared and upset…Some kind stall person gave me free popcorn so…Getting lost totally paid off.

Oh! Just remembered. My brain is clever like that. I was once standing on top of the escalators. My mum had already gone to the bottom and was shouting for me to come down too but I was scared. Thought the escalators were going to eat me up. In the end – a stranger helped me down. Offered my candy and a puppy but I declined and went home with my ma who didn’t even thank them. That was rude.

BBB: The next book I read, immediately following SMILE, was the copy of HAPPY EVER AFTER that you gifted to me. (You’re like a drug dealer, handing out free samples to hook your clientele.) Where did PETER come from?

MS: I think you have the wrong author. I didn’t write that. Not my story, sorry.

If I HAD written it though (and I did really), I’d say Peter came from the deepest, darkest fantasies of a fucked up imagination. A desperate soul who wants nothing more than to be loved no matter how they force that love out of someone. We all want to be loved, right?

BBB: Absolutely! That’s one of the things that makes Peter so endearing, you can feel his loneliness underneath all that rage. Do you have any rituals that help you get into Peter’s character?

MS: Nope. I just sat down and let my imagination type the story out for me. When typing (especially darker characters), I tend to blur out of my own reality and slip quite easily into theirs. I actually wrote a medical report on Peter for the forthcoming collection (all the books in one massive volume). Well – a lot of that report is actually from my OWN medical report. Obviously I tweaked bits to turn it more into that of a serial killer but, yeah, a lot of my experiences and Peter’s are blurred to the point of where do I end and where does he begin? Funny really considering one review stated I know nothing about the mind of a psychopath. Really? Is that so? Tell that to my doctor!

BBB: If you were written about in the newspaper, on the front page, what would the headline say?

MS: CUNT.

BBB: What did your fiancé, Marie, think of ROMANCE IS DEAD?

MS: You know, I don’t think she ever read it. In fact – I’m sure she didn’t. She supports me one hundred percent (because she is simple in the head and doesn’t know she can do so much better) but she rarely reads my stuff anymore. That’s not because she doesn’t enjoy it – she does. BUT…When writing them, I’m so excited about the stories, I can’t help but discuss the plot points and things whilst I’m working on them. Before they’re even finished she knows what is going to happen.

BBB: You have a pretty kick ass day job (in theory). Want to say anything about that?

MS: Ahe best time of my life was giving up everything to write full-time. However, in a world this fragile, I couldn’t be sure to sustain myself with my writing alone so I got a job in the cinema. Being a major film buff – seemed like a good move but the job isn’t all that. It has good points and bad and I work with some nice people but – yeah – I’d rather be sitting at home writing all the time.

The free films is a perk though. Definitely. In fact – by the time of writing this – I will be off to see “The Evil Dead” in a couple of hours. Hopefully it will be as good as the original.

BBB: Tell us about the worst job you’ve ever had.

MS: A dark time of my life. Working down Southampton docks. The boats would come in and there’d be a group of us lining the walls flashing a bit of thigh to the sailor boys. In a good night you’d make about £50 but, yeah, you’d have to swallow a lot of semen. The worst nights were the ones where they’d demand more than just a blow job. For about a week after nights like that – you didn’t dare fart for painting the room white if you know what I mean…And the feeling of being stretched there…That’s just weird too. Don’t like it.

BBB: What’s your favorite horror movie?

MS: I once found this film of my ma and pa fucking. Was truly disgusting. I mean, it wouldn’t have been so bad if dad had just been pounding her but…He was over the sofa, in the lounge, and she was stood behind him with this massive black strap-on and just banging and banging whilst reaching around tugging at him frantically. I was the most disturbing thing I had ever seen. Although, at the time, I was only 5 so I hadn’t seen a lot of bad stuff like that. Took me fucking ages to bash one off to it. Kept losing the erection. So annoying.

But if you want a serious answer, I’d go with “Psycho”, “Silence of the Lambs” or possibly even…Actually, fuck it, that will do. Go with those two. Horror films of day are just tripe. It’s like Hollywood has forgotten how to tell a good story.

BBB: How many people have you killed in your books?

MS: More than I’ve slept with in real life.

That’s a tragic shame right there. Might go back down the docks.

BBB: Boxers or briefs ?

MS: I have to wear tights because my penis is THAT long. Pants are just uncomfortable and boxers…Everything hangs out. Gets breezy.

That was a lie. I’m tiny. I still go with boxers though. Or thongs. Wore Marie’s thong once but she was at work. It didn’t fit me properly…Too big…

BBB: Which actor would play Matt Shaw in the movie of your life?

MS: Judi Dench – a very talented man. Good beard too.

BBB: What’s your sign?

MS: “FOR RENT”

BBB: You just finished your novel THE LOST SON. Which do you prefer, short stories or novels?

MS: Shorts. I have the attention span of a goldfish and I find writing longer stories to be a pain in the arse. Sadly – if reaction is good enough – I’ll have to stick to the longer stories but I’ll always crave for the shorter stories of about 100 pages or so.

BBB: I recently read the short story THE REVIEW in your book SHORTS. Was this prompted by a one star review you received?

MS: Nope. Some cock monkey on Amazon gave me a one star review. Fair enough -can’t win them all. But he was really personal about it. It was like he was more hellbent on being a twat about who I am as opposed to my writing. I mean, seriously, write a review about the story but keep your thoughts about me to yourself (or send it via facebook as fan mail…I love that).

I could have defended myself on the actual review but why bother? I’m better than that. I just figured – I’ll flash him my penis in a video. Hopefully he liked it as much as other people on my author page. Think that one went viral which is quite funny if you consider it’s my penis and the amount of virus’ that things had…
[Watch The Famous Viral Video HERE]

BBB: Justin Bieber lost 80,000 Twitter followers the day he cut his hair. We’re you prepared for that kind of fall-out when you decided to cut yours off?

MS: I was looking more and more like a tramp and it was annoying me. So it had to go. Do I miss it? Not really. Do I worry what people think? Nope. Despite the false bravado – I know I’m nothing special to look at. I’m only too aware that people are on my page to see the crazy shit I post about OR because they like my books. They’re not there because they want to bed me.

Although there was one woman…But by the time it came down to the nitty gritty, she vanished which was a shame.

BBB: Necrophilia, Gerontophilia, or Zoophilia?

MS: Necro for sure. Done it before. I recommend giving them a quick zap in the microwave first, though, to make sure they’re warm. Oh – and a stick. You need a stick. Poke it up their nose to make different bits twitch. Added realism. Don’t go too rotten though…You don’t want to wake up to find your new lady friend giving birth to a maggot.

BBB: If you could be any character in fiction for 24 hours, whom would you be?
Which one of your own characters would you choose?

MS: Dexter. He has a cool life. Is that a bad answer?

Jax from Sons of Anarchy? Hot girls, guns and drugs? Fucking shit up. Oh yeah.

My own characters? Neither really. I kind of put them all through hell!! I wouldn’t wish that on me!

BBB: You have some very cool tattoos, which is your favorite?

I have only seen pics of a few, but your HEA ink is my favorite… it’s gorgeous, it’s symbolic, and very original.

MS: I’m getting more tattoos similar to Happy Ever After. I want “The Cabin” on my body somewhere – poking through the skin. As for my favourite – has to be the HEA one for the reasons you mentioned. I also like the shark bite I have down my side, though. Fuck me that one hurt.

I go to Dragstrip tattoos (run by a nice woman called Laura) in Bitterne and always see the same tattoo artist (Alex) because he’s got some awesome skills. And not just tattoo skills either – he even plays the guitar and sings well too. Funny really, I’m there in immense pain from whatever he is doing and all I can think is, “I’ve got his album on my iPhone”.

Check them out. I might get free stuff 🙂

BBB: You have a super power for 24 hours. What is it?

MS: The inner-pervert screams for me to have invisibility so I can sneak into boys locker rooms…I mean girls…Girls locker rooms. Definitely girls…Mmmm vagina. Not penis. V-A-G-I-N-A…

The realist in me says ‘flight’.

BBB: You post videos to promote yourself, and your work…

Any that you regret?

MS: Regrets, I’ve had a few…