Check out the HEA Kickstarter page
Help bring Peter to the screen – PLEASE!
Check out the HEA Kickstarter page
Help bring Peter to the screen – PLEASE!
TRIPLE SHOT OF SOUTHERN HORROR is my latest read in Tonia Brown’s TRIPLE SHOT series, and… I think it may be my favorite so far.
Devil Drink: Butch Buchanan¹, the sheriff of Black Ridge & regular Good Old Boy, takes his new officer up the mountain to introduce him to Beulah Walker*. Officer Kirk Durham is like Simon Pegg in the beginning of HOT FUZZ – a straight-laced, by the book, kind of prudish guy, who arrived from a big city job – with a stick up his butt. The new officer doesn’t take too kindly to Beulah, but he will soon find out that she is more than a mere bootlegger – the town of Black Ridge relies on her to keep the ‘quo’
Sickened: There are some strange, old customs around – ones that we don’t ever think of, or know exist. Some folks take these customs very seriously. This story is about the town’s local Sin Eater², Clem. Somethin’ he ate over at the Widow Baxter’s last night isn’t agreeing with him. In fact, it won’t stop disagreeing with him! He’s been vomiting something vile -and it won’t stop. He makes it to the hospital to see Doc Pearson, a modern doctor who doesn’t put much stock into what Clem claims to do. Nevertheless, he sees that whatever is wrong with Clem isn’t something that his modern medicine can fix. Something else needs to be done.
Home Cooked Meal³: Life after the zompocalypse is not easy. Mary Shull is living day to day, on the road and on the run. Hungry, dirty, and tired – so tired – she’s ready to pack it all in. If she was dead, well, undead, she wouldn’t have to run anymore – just shuffle. And, she wouldn’t be hungry anymore – food for zeds was easy to find. As for being dirty, two out of three ain’t bad, besides – she supposed she wouldn’t care much afterwards. Unexpected salvation comes in the form of Joshua Bender. Josh lives not far from where they are, and if she would like to come with him – he’d love to have her over for dinner.
When I read books by [author:Tonia Brown|3160763], I always switch my Kindle’s internal dictionary from ENGLISH (United States) to ENGLISH (United Kingdom). I do that with some other UK authors, mainly because I love learning the slang. (My goal – someday I’ll speak fluent UK slang, and will use it regularly). For Tonia, I have a different reason.
You know those words… you don’t hear them every day, you know what they mean, but… do you, really? Having a Kindle has made looking up words so easy. I find myself checking random words all the time, just to make sure that what I think I know is correct, and to learn other forms or uses of the word. Sometimes you know what a word probably means by the way it’s used. I look those up a lot with Tonia, too.
For TSO Southern Horror, the word was ‘tetchiness’
– “The kid’s voice was laced with tetchiness.”
TETCHY: Bad tempered; irritable
* – I feel like Beulah’s character has a touch of [book:Lucky Stiff|8515643]’s Madame Sangrail in her. Whether that’s the case or not – it gave me a warm fuzzy, and this close to Valentine’s Day, I think it’s time to go visit the Madame again, get a little ‘Peter’ in me!
¹ – For Tonia,
Thank you for the show out that you wrote for me before you met me! I got super excited and misread BUTCH as BUCK at first… My Uncle Buck (Buchanan) is a Wayne County Sheriff’s Deputy.
² – From //www.wisegeek.com/
A Sin-Eater is a traditional type of spiritual healer who uses a ritual to cleanse the dying of their sins. The sin-eater absorbs the sins of the people he or she serves and typically works for a fee.‡
As the sins are usually consumed through food and drink, the sin-eater also gains a meal through the transaction. Sin-eaters are often outcasts, as the work may be considered unsavory and is usually thought to lead to an afterlife in hell due to carrying the unabsolved sins of others. The Roman Catholic Church regularly excommunicated sin-eaters when they were more common, not only because of the excessive sins they carried, but also because they infringed upon the territory of priests, who are supposed to administer Last Rites to the dying according to Church Doctrine.
The sin-eater saves the dying not only from hell, but also from wandering the earth as a ghost – thereby performing a service for the living as well. In some traditions, sin-eaters perform their work for the moribund, while in others, the ritual takes place at the funeral. The sin-eater is usually associated with the British Isles, but there are analogous customs in other cultures as well.
A sin-eater typically consumes bread as part of the ritual of taking on the dying person’s sins. He or she may also eat salt or drink water or ale. Sometimes, special breads are baked for the purpose of the sin-eating ritual, perhaps featuring the initials or image of the deceased. The meal is sometimes passed over the dead or dying body or placed on its breast to symbolize its absorption of the person’s sins. The sin-eater may also recite a special prayer.
Some cultures have customs that are similar to sin-eating and may have evolved from more traditional forms of the ritual. Instead of a designated, outcast sin-eater serving a village, for example, the deceased’s nearest relatives may perform the service, as was once traditional in Bavaria and the Balkan Peninsula. In the Netherlands and some parts of England, ritual baked goods were given to the attendants or pallbearers at a funeral. This latter tradition lived on for a time in New York. Today, the custom of the sin-eater has largely died out, though it is often referenced in popular culture.
‡ – Another article describes the Sin-Eater as someone who performs the service at little or no cost, with the meal itself being payment. To me, that seems like people are taking advantage of a shitty situation – the Sin-Eater‘s probable outcast status is likely to make him/her live like a hermit, lonely, broke, and probably hungry. The widowed are then perfectly positioned to get the service performed on their terms.
Things like this are why Hansel & Gretel got eaten! If people treated the witches/healers/wise-ones with respect instead of disdain – many outcomes would be more pleasant!!
³ – Again, for Tonia,
I’ve read this story before! It seems like it was a submission for the ZF/MDC [book:Hunger Pangs: Dark Confessions|16896514] anthology. I know you said your story didn’t make it in, for whatever reason, but – I distinctly remember… Whatever you told me your submission title was, I did not have it in the batch of stories I BETA’d for JK/SG. (All titles were given to me anonymously, no author names attached. We had this conversation after the final stories were chosen by the editors.)
So – WHERE HAVE I READ THIS?
Need some loving this Valentine’s Day? Looking for a hard body, and don’t care whether it’s dead or alive? Got an itch no one can seem to scratch? Well, I guarantee Peter Lyles will not only scratch that itch, but leave you itching for more! Join Tonia Brown and Peter Lyles (and me, of course!) as we spend Valentine’s weekend giving away his unlife story.
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get all worked up and might even have to change your undies.
He is just that good ❣
This Facebook event starts on February 14 at 12:00pm and will continue, hard & strong, until February 16 at 11:45pm ❣
The concept of this event is very simple: You get to spend a virtual weekend in the company of Peter Lyles. He has promised to slip away from his lady friends and spend the weekend answering all of your most intimate questions about his most intimate parts. All the while Tonia will give away free downloads of his undead story, Lucky Stiff: Memoirs of an Undead Lover.
Can’t wait to read it? Than go ahead and grab that bad boy by the horn! Tonia likes money, and you like hot, hot sexy sex. It’s a win-win!
˙·٠•●♥ ❤ Get LUCKY! Have a STIFF Valentine’s Day! ❤♥●•٠·˙
Potential trailer for Happy Ever After trilogy.
I think it works 🙂
A collection of short stories from the twisted mind of Matt Shaw
Please be aware that whilst ‘Insomnia’ and ‘I Lay Still’ are brand new stories – ‘The Review’, ‘The Food Critic’ (Parts one and two) and ‘The Mystery Shopper’ are from the now deleted title “Reviews, Critics and Mystery Shoppers”
A collection of short stories from the twisted mind of Matt Shaw
THE REVIEW is a story about an author, Alan Daleton, who is trying to cope with a ‘one star’ review that someone left on Amazon. This review, along with a few snarky comments made my some guy named “Matt Shaw”, is really starting to bother Alan. He can’t let this go, so he decides to take this reviewer up on his ‘challenge’. By the time he is through, Matt is wishing he’d kept his narrow minded opinion to himself!
This story had me all giggly, then the moment of OMFG! No effing way!! And I wanted to call someone & talk about it… but it was brand new..only released mere hours before I started reading. I couldn’t stand it! So, I emailed Matt. Got my initial reaction out of my system. Now…Dear Reader… I’m just waiting on you. Hurry up, already! I wanna talk!
THE FOOD CRITIC – Part I
Jamie Mitchell, THE FOOD CRITIC, used to be a chef at one of the city’s greatest restaurants. The stress of his job was getting to him, bad for his nerves and his mind, so a career change was in order. Now, for his health, he’s on the other side of the table – eating and reviewing the meals, instead of preparing them. You can tell by the size of his ever increasing belly that he loves what he does.
He’s been seeing some great reviews for this new place, and he cannot wait to try it out for himself. The restaurant itself is nothing to write home about, so he is betting that the food must be to die for. It has to be, for people to forget about the state of the dining area. Things are not off to a good start, though. He’s had to wait ages to place his order, his waitress is a little bitchy, and his water is room temperature. Let’s hope things get better..
We’ll find out about his dining pleasure in part two…
THE MYSTERY SHOPPER:
Does your work ever test you by sending in Secret Shoppers? We have a promotion going on right now, from the Coca-Cola people as well as my employers. We had someone come in just two days ago, asking some odd questions. Thankfully, Nikki was helping him. She answered all his annoying questions correctly, and with a smile. The Coke people gave her a $25.00 gift card, they gave the shift manager a$50.00 gift card (for training her properly, I guess), and they also gave everyone working that shift a code to download free music. That’s a lot of stuff for a ten dollar order! I wonder what the Secret Shopper got.
The Secret Shopper in this story, well… The Mystery Shopper, is Tom Peterson. He apparently doesn’t make enough from the companies that send him out, because he found an inventive way to supplement his income. If the people he ‘tests’ don’t score so well in his reports, then Tom might be persuaded to fudge his report. He has found that most employees don’t want their bosses to know what kind of piss poor service they provide. One poor guy took it so hard… well, why don’t you get to reading the story, instead of this review.
Make sure you let Matt know that I’m doing a good job…
THE FOOD CRITIC Part II:
When we left Jamie, he had just gotten his pitcher of warm drinking water, and ordered his meal. Let’s see if his dining experience has gotten any better, shall we?
He is seated next to Matt and Alan – who are there celebrating the simultaneous release of their books. They’re not to excited to join in any conversation with Jamie, who is seated in the corner, being fat. The stage is set… on to the end of our story…
Jamie is brought his main dish, his stew, and he thinks it looks perfect. Beautiful veggies, perfect hunks of meat, and it smells divine! He devoured it quickly, tasting as perfect as it looked. His dining experience had improved dramatically, and he tells the waitress. She shows concern, finally, that his experience wasn’t favorable from Jump Street, and asks Jamie if he would like to speak to the owner, her father. Which he does. He has a very interesting conversation with the owner, and gets a tour of the entire restaurant. He also gets to find out why the reviews for this place are to die for.
I LAY STILL:
He wakes up, sore & fuzzy headed. Trying to shake it off, to figure out where he is and why.
Faces coming into view above him. Talking. OK… he realizes he’s in the hospital, his family & friends surrounding him.
They’re acting kind of strange. He had wrecked the car driving drunk, they should me madder than this. Lie here in bed with him, as he tries to figure out why everyone is acting so odd.
This is the Matt Shaw take on Alfred Hitchcock’s REAR WINDOW. In this story, the main character has insomnia (hence the story’s title), which is why he sits up nights watching out the window. Some interesting things to be seen, when people don’t realize that they’re being watched! Even more interesting things to be seen when people suspect they’re being watched… or just don’t care.
A story of voyeurism, exhibitionism, and intrigue.
Hands down, THE REVIEW was my favorite SS in this collection.
But, it would be hard to rate the rest in order! But… INSOMNIA does stand out, because… I finally made it into one of Matt’s stories!! All that time of hinting, pestering, begging, bribing, stalking & threatening finally paid off! I must say, I made out pretty easy, considering the conversation I had with eee brother and his mum! I thought I would be tortured slowly for that.
Mandy Hartley got a shout out in the book, too.
If there were others, I missed the references…Sorry.
I LAY STILL, the other new one in this collection, is really good, too. I hate to admit this, but, when I read it the first time… I didn’t get the very end correctly. In my defense, I first read it while on break at work. When I re-read it… I had one of those *face-palm* moments, and when I realized where we just went… it became much cooler!
So, even if you’ve already read the first few stories, you need to pick this up to read the 2 new ones! If you’d like a personal autograph from me right on the INSOMNIA title page, private message me… I’m sure we can come to a monetary agreement! Hahaha!
Since we’re on the subject, don’t forget that you can get Matt to AuthorGraph many of his titles to you personally!
Since I’m plugging… have you read my interview – LOW TEA WITH MATT SHAW?
Matt Shaw posts on his Facebook wall:
WHO FANCIES A FREE BOOK?!
As always, please share with friends and don’t forget to comment down below if you’re read it (or even if you fancy a chat because I’m well sociable!)
Before you can have your ‘Happy Ever After’ you need to find The One.
In Susie, Peter thought he had found his perfect lady. The woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with… He just needed to convince her to feel the same – and if that meant kidnapping her then so be it.
Told through the point of view of the two characters living this story -immerse yourself in Matt Shaw’s prequel to ‘Happy Ever After’ and learn the truth about what happened to Young Susie…
But remember….. Good. Sense. Of. Humour. Essential.
UK LINK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/G-S-O-H-Essential-Peter-Chronic les-ebook/dp/B006F8IOOA/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1364241 638&sr=8-10
US LINK: http://www.amazon.com/G-S-O-H-Essential-Peter-Chronicles-ebook/dp/B006F8IOOA/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=13643729 69&sr=8-8&keywords=matt+shaw
Zombie Erotica. You know these individual words, but these words together? It gives you a ‘o.O’ moment. Zombie Erotica could lead to some very disturbing thoughts and imagery. Let me assure you, this is not a disgusting or disturbing story! Quite the contrary. Tonia is a master at erotica, and a master at zombies, for LUCKY STIFF she brings the two together and creates a novel like none other. A novel that induced laughter, tears, excitement, and a little tingly feeling in the nether-regions ::winks:: Yes. She’s that damn good.
This is a story about one of my favorite Peter characters. (You read my posts, you know who the other one is. THIS Peter is the original Peter in my literary love life. Peter Lyles.)
Peter and his buddies are off on an epic Spring Break trip, one that they’re going to make sure ends up in the record books. Off to New Orleans for some much needed R & R, their vacation takes a wicked wrong turn when Peter downs a fistfull of Roofies – instead of the sleeping pills his friend ‘Drugstore Dave’ said they were. A few hours later… Dave, Jack, and Mooch find Peter right where they left him – only now he’s cold to the touch & blue! While freaking out and contemplating a future filled with back-door invasions from their prison husbands, Mooch remembers Madam Sangrail – the Voodoo Queen, from his old neighborhood. “People said she could do things. Or… un-do them.” Madam Sangrail’s flavor of magick¹ brings back an undead Peter – a kind of undead you’ve never known existed, but, the kind of undead that makes the impending Zombie Apocalypse sound like it might not seem so bad!
This was the first book of Tonia’s that I read, it’s the book that led to my first real conversation (& eventual unbreakable bond) with Joy Killar, which led to meeting & becoming friends with Tonia! Funny how life works. All this from downloading a sample of a book because a book cover discovered during a Google image search intrigued me!
¹ Magick: Not to be confused with stage “magic.” Magick is art of utilizing natural forces around us to bring about change. Magick is neutral, neither good, nor evil. The practitioner decides how they would like to focus this natural energy.