A BLAST FROM THE PAST! Revisiting A VERY STRANGEHOUSE CHRISTMAS

* originally published for the 2013 Holiday Horror Binge & Purge event on DECEMBER 29, 2013

I’ve completed my [Goodreads] ˙·٠•●♥ 2013 Reading Challenge ♥●•٠·˙ – (ahead of schedule, and beyond my personal goal – go, me!) But, I’m still sitting here wishing I had read so much more! I need more time! More hours in the day, more days in the week… UGH! It’s so frustrating!
I started reading titles from StrangeHouse Books in 2013, and I wish I could say that I’m ending this year all caught up, that I’ve devoured them all quicker than a Cannibal in Fat Camp! ::sigh:: That, however, is not the case. But, it gives me a goal for 2014!!

A Very StrangeHouse Christmas

“This collection of 9 twisted tales of Christmas horror brings together weirdo literary talent from around the world, all with the sole purpose of turning the most sacred of holidays on its head, and making sweet, sweet love to its defenseless ear holes!”

“Join SHB ring leader Kevin Strange, as well as StrangeHouse anthology alumni Rich Bottles Jr., Jesse Wheeler, KM Tepe, and newcomers like Lindsey Goddard and MP Johnson on this sometimes magical, always fucked up journey to the north pole. We promise you’ll never look at Christmas the same way ever again!”

For last year’s ‘HOLIDAY HORROR BINGE & PURGE’ event, my main Holiday book to read, and review, was A HACKED-UP HOLIDAY MASSACRE. (It turned out to be a book of all holidays, not just Christmas, but ‘Irreverent Merriment, Diabolical Debauchery, and Gory Good Times‘ were had by all!!) This year, I started earlier and got to fit in many more books from my holiday horror wish list. Two of this year’s reads are fighting for the top spot on my Happy List – A Very StrangeHouse Christmas is one of the two.

INTRODUCTION:  Kevin Strange

Kafka’s Run by Billy Tea:
The Kafka’s are Gift Heads & they’re in the run. Gift Heads are a slave race to the fat man. Raised in prison camps, tended to by elves, and eventually beheaded when they reach maturity. Their severed gift-heads are offered as sacrifice to appease the tiny Earth Gods. Fantastic story.

Do Not Buy by MP Johnson:
A ‘Tickle This’ kind of story! Quick, gross, and wonderful!

The Unlisted by Jesse Wheeler:
YOU WANT NAUGHTY? You got it with this story! Sex, debauchery, violence, & more!

Image from the security camera in the Women’s Plus Size dressing rooms

Things in here had me cracking up (in between a gag, or a cringe) – one hilarious fact about these elves… they shit the cookie dough that Mrs. Claus bakes for Santa. When TSHTF, there’s a line about an elf who got so scared “he nearly nogged his pants”!! (It makes perfect sense that they pee egg nog, if they shit dough, right?!) WARM & FRESH!

Dear Santa Claus by K.M. Tepe:
A letter to Santa from the Naughty K.M. Tepe – If I were the fat man, I’d make sure every item on that list was specially delivered with added bows made of cash…

Think twice before leaving me coal again, ya Prick!!

*Message for K.M. Tepe:
Ever since I opened up my very first MySpace account, I’ve used the same line in the About Me section of practically every account – still using it today.
After reading your bio in the back of this book, I just wanted to make a note of it just in case you see it yourself somewhere. There’s no “This town ain’t big enough fir the both of us” reasoning or mentality behind this note – It’s more like a brunch invitation! If you’re ever in Detroit, look me up… we can hang out in the alley behind Poetry Slam, guzzling coffee, and poking the corpse of Wino Willie!

Blood On The Highway by Lindsey Goddard:
The anguish of a mother’s loss is not bound by species.
A woman, her husband, and his brother are driving through a terrible storm, on they’re way for what was supposed to be a relaxing holiday. This is a very good SS! I’m hoping that Lindsey sees this and can recommend a better pic – one that looks like the inside of her brain!

*This is an image that I found on a Google Image Search – It does not reflect the authors imagery in any way

Kathi the Sexy Elf by Rich Bottles Jr.:
A department store Santa, who is following in his dad’s footprints as the jolly fat man for the same store, decides to do something remarkably sweet for his ‘Helper’ this year. The helper, Kathi, makes a very sexy elf, and she has some surprises of her own in store for Santa…

I can’t wait to read some of the stories in Rich’s ‘humorrorotica‘ genre! Some links are provided at the bottom.

Christmas with the Family by Jonathan Byrd:
This one should be called “A FUCKED UP FAMILY CHRISTMAS”.
Other Jonathan Byrd titles on Amazon include –
BIG, The Jar, UNSHACKLED, and The Mommies Club. But, after reading this short, I’m not entirely convinced that it’s the same guy!! 🙂

The Witch who Fucked Christmas by Kevin Strange:
This story is a tie in to one of Kev’s movies, but it stands alone just fine.
Set in STRANGEVILLE, ILLINOIS, a worn out & broke down Santa is about to go head to head with The Hag of Horrors herself – Sasparilla, The Weed Witch. The victor will hold the bag that contains all the magic of Christmas. But, you can’t expect the Hag of Horrors to play fair… can you?
Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas YouTube trailer
Hack Films / Kevin Strange on YouTube

I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday by Mike Lombardo:
Save the best for last, Kev? Yeah. I’m going to get this review posted, then go slit my wrists. xxoo ♥

After Notes, Links, & Other Randomly Strange[House] Fun

I’ve been adding and updating this section since the original post, and I’m still not finished.
I would like to include as much info as possible for each author that is/was involved with SHB while the books below were published.
This section will eventually become a StrangeHouse Spotlight Page
**If YOU are one of those authors, please – contact me! I’d like to post any info/links that you would like fans to know about!!***

Check out the StrangeHouseBooks blog on WordPress
‘LIKE’ StrangeHouseBooks on Facebook

A VERY STRANGEHOUSE CHRISTMAS on Goodreads
Kevin Strange on Goodreads
K.M. Tepe on Goodreads
Rich Bottles Jr. on Goodreads
Mike Lombardo on Goodreads
Lindsey Goddard on Goodreads
Jesse Wheeler on Goodreads
Billy Tea on Goodreads
M.P. Johnson on Goodreads
Jonathan Byrd on Goodreads

DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW KEVIN STRANGE?
Take this quiz and find out!! Post your results in the comments, I’d love to see them – I’ll Make sure that I get a link to Kevin, so he can see your results, too!

MORE SHB ANTHOLOGIES – GET SOME STRANGE!
The Last Gig On Planet Earth And Other Strange Stories
Strange Sex
Strange Versus Lovecraft
Tales of Questionable Taste
Zombie! Zombie! Brain Bang!
Scary Fucking Stories: A Strange Collection

VOYEURISM, in 140 characters or less –
@_StrangeHouse
@kevinthestrange
@freaktension
@BillyTea_AMDAD
@tusitalabruni
@SFerrariFOS

Other Books from Rich Bottles Jr.
‘LUMBERJACKED‘
“[…] makes Deliverance look like a family raft trip down the Lower Gauley”
‘Hellhole West Virginia‘
“Eco-friendly vampires, beach-yearning zombies and sex-starved she-devils.”
‘The Manacled‘
“What happens when twin brothers lease out the former West Virginia State Penitentiary with the false purpose of filming a documentary on supernatural phenomena, but their true intention is to make a pornographic movie? Chaos ensues as the disturbed spirits of murdered convicts, along with the reanimated dead from the neighboring Indian Burial Mound, take their vengeance on the unwary and undressed trespassers. Zombies, ghosts, mobsters and porn collide in this bizarro tale from horror author Rich Bottles Jr.”
*I HAVE TO GET THIS BOOK!* (Update – Rich sent me a copy of this, along with some awesome author swag! Thanks, Rich!!)

Check out ‘Gross-Out Author’ Jesse Wheeler’s Dinner at the Vomitropolis – I have this, but haven’t had the nerve to start reading it yet.

The Big Book of Bizarro
The Big Book of Bizarro Erotica Collection
The Big Book of Bizarro Horror Collection
The Big Book of Bizarro Sci-Fi & Fantasy Collection

Visit the official website of Mike Lombardo’s Reel Splatter Productions! They’re a small independent horror-comedy troupe based out of Lancaster, Pennsylvania whose goal is to prove artistic expression can involve necrophilia & chainsaws! Visit RSP now, and see some horrible monstrosities commit unspeakable acts! YAY!!

http://www.ReelSplatter.com | Facebook.com/ReelSplatter

Writer/Director/FX Artist and author of this book’s SS titled ‘I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY‘ – Mike “Dr.Chud” Lombardo just released ‘THE STALL‘ on DVD and it is ready to ship!
It’s the story of a young pizza shop employee whi finds himself trapped in a public restroom during the Lovecraftian apocalypse. The DVD contains buckets of exclusive bloody extras that aren’t available on YouTube.

A Hacked-Up Holiday Massacre: Halloween is Going to be Jealous on Amazon

A Very StrangeHouse Christmas on Amazon

My 2016 Goodreads Reading Challenge So Far…

* 2016 READING CHALLENGE STATS * Participants 2,693,803 / Total Books Pledged 127,845,226 / Books Finished 28,625,135 / Avg. Books Pledged 47 / Challenges Completed [to date] 5,475 / Time Left 95 days / KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK EVERYONE!

I’ve completed the 2016 Goodreads Reading Challenge, and have read about 128 of 125 books… so far – (that is just the Goodreads challenge, not Shadow Girl‘s personal goal… I am far from finished!)  Just try to stop me – It’s not even October yet!  

I may be 36 books ahead of [the GR] schedule, but do you realize just how many books on my 2016 Must Read list are not even published yet?! (not to mention my ‘don’t judge me’ list or my ‘guilty pleasure’ list – No. I have no shame).  

OMG, these authors are killing me! 

But, I wouldn’t want to go any other way.

Big, BIG, HUGE thanks to the minds behind the mayhem.

You guys are a large & very important part of my life, and I’m lucky enough to call many of you my friends. Thank you for the journeys so far, and I can’t wait to see where we’re going next!!      P, L & N ♥  ~sg

Check out some of my 2016 Books (so far…)  »

                                                                                                                       

Strange Sex 3

 Fancy a ménage à trilogy?

Have you ever felt the urge to fuck the photocopier at work? Or maybe you’re obsessed with panda sex. Perhaps you have a bomb in your cunt, or better yet, you have the Demon Vibrator of Eden in there. Whatever your taste, STRANGE SEX 3 has the scratch for your itch.

As usual, #SS3 is packed with awesome from cover to cover, and there is surely something within it’s pages for everyone’s hidden kink.  (If it’s not your kink now – it just might be after you read about it!)

Once again the craziest perverts in the industry have gathered together to give us some of the most fucked up erotica you’re ever likely to read, and a possible #VVD (virtual venereal disease) in the process. 

Since this is our third installment of Strange Sex, I’m not going to touch on every story this time.  I know, I know… you’re disappointed. Don’t worry – I’m not going to make you walk in to the madness blindly! Here are a few highlights to make sure you don’t stick to the floor…

Billy Tea taught us something very important in #SS2 – Rule 34: If it exists, there’s porn of it. Now, in #SS3, John Bruni teaches us that it doesn’t matter how fucked up something seems… there is ‘A Market For All Things’.  People collect weird things – especially Hollywood memorabilia.   (I also learned “…they’re not called selfies if there is more than one person in them. Those are ‘usies’.”  Thanks, John!!)

Do you remember how you felt when you walked into an ‘adult book store’ for the first time? Mike Lombardo vividly describes Lee’s first excruciating foray into the neon paradise in ‘Just Like The Real Thing’. Poor kid.
There is a scene in Clerks that shows Randal on the phone, placing an order for RST Video – I think Kevin Smith should hire Mike Lombardo as a porn consultant for the filming of Clerks 3…

I’ve always hated when someone refers to themselves as a ‘foodie’, EVERYBODY loves food, right?!  MP Johnson shows us how some people just take their love of food to an entirely different, (and lower), level in ‘Combo Platter Number Three’.

I think we can all agree that the ‘auto-correct’ feature on our cell phones was invented by Satan, right? If you’ve ever have had an auto-correct disaster in your life you’ll love the hilarious transcript, ahem… story from Mandy De Sandra – ‘Duck Me In The Bass: An Autocorrect Anal Sex Text Adventure’.

Leonard Delaney tells us a touching story about falling in love, (complete with  heartbreak, and betrayal), that almost everyone can relate to in ‘The Office Photocopier Wants To Fuck Me’. 

There’s a thin line between love & hate, and ‘Mine’ by Elle Stanger sits dead center.  “They say that love can be like a fire, quick and unpredictable. But what they don’t tell you is that love can burn your house down.”

The Stories:

“Just Like The Real Thing” by Mike Lombardo 
“Combo Platter Number Three” by MP Johnson
“Tanuki vs. the Aokigahara Swingers Club” by Arthur Graham
“Ectoplasm Orgasm” by Adam Millard
“The Mark Of Zorra” by Rich Bottles Jr.
“Snowballin’: I Fucked Frosty” by Auralie Vierge
“CuntBomb!!!” by TruckDrivingMagicMamma
“Rat Fuck” by Robert Tannahill
“Duck Me In The Bass: An Autocorrect Anal Sex Text Adventure” by Mandy De Sandra
“A Market For All Things” by John Bruni
“BigBoobenstein And The Demon Vibrator Of Eden” by Jeff O’Brien
“The Office Photocopier Wants To Fuck Me” by Leonard Delaney
“Mine” by  
“The Aliens from HerAnus” by Made In DNA
“Bionic Bonkers Feline Sextacular 3000” by Jason Wayne Allen
“Red Hot Panda Love” by Danger_Slater

 

Get your horrotica in 140 characters or less:

@tusitalabruni, @ReelSplatter, @freaktension, @adammillard, @Rich_Bottles_Jr,  @auralievierge, @MandyDeSandra, @jeffkissarmy, @Leonard_Delaney, @ElleStanger, @idiotandroid, @jasonwayneallen, @Danger_Slater

 

Find more stories from these deviants on Amazon:

John Bruni, Mike Lombardo, MP Johnson,  Arthur Graham,  Adam Millard,  Rich Bottles Jr., Auralie Vierge, TruckDriving MagicMamma,  Robert Tannahill,  Mandy De Sandra, Jeff O’Brien, Leonard Delaney, Elle Stanger, Made In DNA, Jason Wayne Allen, Danger Slater 

 

 

WHAT’S YOUR KINK?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htiTWlmnHLI