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BARNACLE BRAT by Adrian Baldwin

Published May 29, 2014 by Shadow Girl

BARNACLE BRAT by Adrian Baldwin

cover-2

5/5 Bloody Towel Hooks
– (if you don’t giggle at the reference – you don’t know
your Dark Comedy 101
)

‘When there is absolutely nothing left to do, you HAVE to pull the trigger.”

It begins with an upside down Betty.
Betty is a V.W. Bug. But, her occupants are upside down too. Lester & Veronica are hanging by their seat belts in the back seat – (sixty year olds looks much older upside down), while the also upside down driver, Leon, is arguing with a dummy (“I’m a mannequin!”) in the front.
This is the opening of BARNACLE BRAT, and even though it’s tagged as a Dark Comedy For Grown-Ups, I never imagined it would live up to my definition of a dark comedy. (Not saying I wear a cape of Super Wit, just saying I have a pretty messed up sense of humor!)

* The Urban Dictionary defines a big girls blouse as –
A male displaying percieved feminine characteristics through actions which cause his peers to think less of him. Being a big girls blouse is much worse than being just a girls blouse, thus it’s highly insulting nature.Also used to force a man to do something they fear through peer pressure.
See also: pink fluffy curtain; gaylord

Leon Blank is enough of a character to fill this book.
He’s a bit … ‘touched’. He hears voices, (and answers them), he sees things (side effect of being sexually frustrated?), and speaking of sexually frustrated – his tastes are a tad unconventional – Voyeurism; Feederism; Shoes – that kind of thing. Since the accident, these things seem to be escalating. Saying he’s ‘easily distracted’ doesn’t quite grasp his level of – oh look! A duck!
Now, add in the cast of characters that surround Leon, and you get 400 pages of a book that you can’t put down. When you HAVE to put it down, for pesky things like sleep or work, it calls out to you. I thought about Leon when I wasn’t reading about him. I admit that it took me a little longer than usual to finish this book, but I chalk that up to rereading sections that I listened to on my commute to & from work.

* The Urban Dictionary defines (in part) Feederism as –
An underground sexual fetish which involves one partner (the feeder) feeding the other, both to obtain sexual arousal and to encourage weight gain in the feedee.
Some feeder relationships are not undertaken with the purpose of weight gain at all but for the enjoyment of food in an intimate context.

Leon seems to get constantly used and taken advantage of by those closest to him – his ‘agoraphobic’, “Im not lazy, I’m just not well”, brother Richard, his grandparents Bill & Norma- who always seem to be busy, (unless they want some of his money, then they’ll spare 5 minutes), and even the people he considers friends, like Wayne. But, he’s nearing the end of his rope. I was wishing he’d go balls-out on some of these people; it made me feel better that he KNEW what was happening, (for the most part), and I wasn’t in a rage because he was clueless & naive.

“Silence is argument carried out by other means.”
Che Guevara

The evil clown, the one that reminds him of John Wayne Gacy’s ‘Pogo’ character, has started following him more vigorously, and he’s carrying a baseball bat! And now – who a that big, wrestler-looking dude with him?
He fears he’s losing his grip, he’s definitely losing time. Did he talk to that girl earlier today, or was it a week ago?
He’s going to start keeping track of things. Writing it down, a journal to keep track of the weird things.
And there is no lack of weird things in this book!

Even listed as a dark comedy, don’t think that everything is a barrel of laughs. There were times that I’d be pissed off, and other times where I felt I wanted to cry. I also laughed out loud – a couple times I laughed out loud while listening to the book, and people think I’m a lunatic!
If you have the choice, let me recommend the physical copy of this book. (I have both – e-book and a [signed] physical copy). The electronic version doesn’t do justice to the stunning cover-art, or the different fonts used.

Awesome gift from author Adrian Baldwin!

Awesome gift from author Adrian Baldwin!

**A note to film-maker/photographer/artist MIKE ZAFFINO –
Again, Marco (Mike for a bit, in my head :/ ) – my deepest & heartfelt apologies to you.
I have a weird sense of humor, and have an odd need to quote movies at every possible moment. While I think I’m hilarious most of the time, I forget that people who have never met me, or even heard my name, have no clue as to what I may be thinking at any given moment. I want to publicly say that I’m sorry – I came off rude when I meant to be funny. I hope we can start fresh!!

I have a special little video that I want to share here, kind of an ‘inside’ joke for Adrian & some of his buddies. (They’ve got a Molly and they know how to use it!)
If you haven’t read the book yet, or the acknowledgements at the end, that’s ok – because you can enjoy the video for what it is. Someone on YouTube, COYOTE STARRK, made this video for Jonathon Culton’s song re: your brains – and it’s been one of my favorite things for a long time.

Adrian on FACEBOOK

Adrian website:

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The Best Thanks Of All

Published June 15, 2013 by Shadow Girl

ThankAnAuthor

YA HORROR, Stories by Marissa Wood (updated)

Published May 18, 2013 by Shadow Girl

 

I recently picked up 4 stories written by Marissa Wood. I caught them on sale, but they are regularly priced at only 99¢ – a great deal for Kindle shorts. I didn’t have horror like this available when I was reading YA novels as a YA. I’d like to be able to get the word out, so we can raise our next generation of horror lovers! Let your kids know that there is more out there than just GOOSEBUMPS and Darren Shan… (don’t get me wrong, I loved GOOSEBUMPS, and read Darren Shan books as an adult!) But, there is more out there! ( I just remembered, there was another Darren Shan series that I wanted to read!)
* See notes at the end for important Darren Shan info!

(Click each title photo to go directly to it’s Amazon page)

 

A RASH OF KILLINGS:

http://www.amazon.com/Rash-Killings-Young-Horror-ebook/dp/B00CPFU7NI/ref=pd_cp_kstore_2

This is a YA short story, I want to make sure you realize that before you pick it up just by my five star rating. I usually stick with the dark & bloody, 17+, horror stories. But, I gotta say, this was a great short, no matter what age you are! The Amazon synopsis reads -Life isn’t easy for Dale. Kids at school are dropping like flies. The girl he likes turned him down for the prom, and his sister is as irritating as always. He didn’t get his scholarship, and with all of the murders in town, his mom is completely overprotective. How’s a teenager supposed to make it in a world of curfews, blood, and irritating parents?Besides a couple sentences geared directly towards a younger person, I’d have never known this was classified as YA. It is a really good story, with a smack in the face twist! I’m going to be on the lookout for more from this author!

A STRANGER AT THE CABIN:

 

Have you ever heard a story about a cabin that didn’t end in horror? From A Cabin In The Woods to Evil Dead… all bad. Even The Three Bears turned out bad for one little blonde haired girl, so don’t let A STRANGER AT THE CABIN’s ‘young adult’ category fool you! Actually, I was surprised at how gory and tense this was. I wish Marissa Wood had been around when I was stuck reading Sweet Valley High YA stories, but, maybe she was stuck reading those, too! Maybe that’s what inspired her to write these YA horror stories. Hmm.. The Amazon synopsis reads -When his mother is called back to work for an urgent errand, Jonathon doesn’t mind. He’s watched his sister before and there’s no problem this time. When the power goes out, though…and the phone lines, too…he knows he’s in for a long night. It isn’t until a strange man shows up at his door that he learns the long night will be filled with terror!Warning: This ebook has very dark and disturbing images, and adults should read carefully before allowing a child in their care to read this story.Whatever your age, this is a great book. I’m not one to impose reading restrictions on kids, so, if you have any worries about whether these are appropriate, I suggest reading them for yourself first.Bloody fun for all ages!

 

THE PEEPER:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Peeper-ebook/dp/B00CPR09UM/ref=sr_1_4?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1368911989&sr=1-4

Amazon synopsis – Jack has some friends over while he’s laid up with a broken leg. They want to watch some horror movies, but he’s more interested in spying on his sexy teacher a few houses down the road! With the telescope, he hopes to see something exciting, but he never expected a psycho killer punching and stabbing everyone!Warning: This ebook has very dark and disturbing images and adults should read carefully prior to allowing a child in their care to read this story.

Jack is bored to tears since breaking his leg & being confined to a boring life indoors. He’s watched every movie, and can’t play another video game! His mom suggests he take out the telescope his grandfather got him a couple years ago, to see if he can find some solace in the stars. He finds more than that when he witnesses a brutal murder at his teachers house!
PEEPER is another great horror story written for the YA audience. It is a modern version of Alfred Hitchcock’s REAR WINDOW, only a lot bloodier, and a lot more brutal! Like the other titles, I suggest you read this first if you’re purchasing for your kids. You know your children better than me 3:)
 

MAX IS MAD:

Amazon synopsis -Max lives in a little room. Max wears a strait-jacket. Max eats insects. Max gets lobotomies and electric shocks. What the doctors don’t know is that the shocks and the cutting aren’t making him dull and quiet but increasing his intelligence…and his rage. The scariest part of all is that Max has a plan.Warning: This ebook contains very dark, bloody, and disturbing imagery, and adults should read very carefully before allowing a child in their care to read this story.

Max is a genius. He lived with his mom, his dad died before Max was born. He graduated high-school, and began college, by the age of 15. It was also at age 15 when the men broke into their house & started to hurt his mom. Max did not let that happen. As a result of that, Max’s mom ends up on death row, and Max himself lands in the mental hospital. He vows revenge for what is done to his mother & himself…and, revenge is what he gets!
This is an extremely bloody & violent book. It’s very good, I love it, but if you’re purchasing for your kids, please take the time to read it first. You will know if your son or daughter can handle it 3:)
Stay involved in your children’s lives, it’s up to us to raise the next generation of horror aficionados!!

**************************************************************************
This is the only one I haven’t read yet, but, I will update you as soon as I do. I fully plan on buying it, not only to round out the group – but because I have enjoyed the previous ones!
I am trying to find the author, Marissa Wood. So far, no luck. But, my best “private eye” is on it! Haha! Suzanne has a knack for tracking down authors, so, it’s only a matter of time. Contact me if you know her, or have an address for her. (Email, not post. I’m not a full on stalker!)

THE WITCH HOST:


(available for 99¢)

http://www.amazon.com/The-Witch-Host-Horror-ebook/dp/B00CPHEXVS/ref=sr_1_6?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1368912414&sr=1-6

Amazon synopsis -Kayla is bored at the thought of school until a field trip to a historic graveyard peaks her interest. As far as she can tell, an innocent girl was tortured and burned as a witch and the grave is in this place! With the help of her friends, she’s determined to raise the ghost of the witch so it can have its revenge. Of course, she has no idea that the ghost might not be grateful.Warning: This ebook contains very dark, bloody, disturbing images. Adults should review carefully before allowing a child in their care to read this story.
**********************************************************
Or, you can pick up all five shorts in one book!

SICK REVENGE

offers all five stories for only $2.99!

http://www.amazon.com/Sick-Revenge-The-Collection-ebook/dp/B00CUSO5CE/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1368912639&sr=1-3

SICK REVENGE is the horrifying and suspenseful new collection of short stories from Young Adult Millennial Press by author Marissa Wood. In this collection you get all 5 full length stories. What’s happening to the teens in a small town? Is there any escape from a madman killer? Are crazy people really as crazy as we think? What might a peeping Tom really see through a sexy teacher’s window? Can an innocent spirit really help the living? Revenge has never been so sickeningly sweet!Warning: This ebook contains very dark, bloody, and disturbing imagery, and adults should read very carefully before allowing a child in their care to read this story.
***********************************************************
So, Darren Shan…If you never read any of his stuff (it’s YA, too), I was researching to give you the series I already read (CIRQUE DU FREAK), the series I wanted to read (DEMONATA), and anything new, when I found this new vampire series, book one is available for free download!
http://www.amazon.com/PETER-VAMPIRES-Volume-MONSTERS-ebook/dp/B004ZQRLS4/ref=sr_1_7?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1368912876&sr=1-7&keywords=darren+shan
The rest of the books, surprisingly, a rip-off at eight bucks per story in Kindle format! I’m all for getting today’s youth into the horror genre, but, this pisses me off! Because it’s still a small niche (excluding sparkly vampires), I think it’s awful to raise your prices because you know parents will be willing to pay any amount to get their kids to love reading! Criminal.
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