holiday horror

All posts tagged holiday horror

Happy… ūüźá

Published April 21, 2019 by Shadow Girl

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A BLAST FROM THE PAST! Revisiting A VERY STRANGEHOUSE CHRISTMAS

Published December 25, 2016 by Shadow Girl

* originally published for the 2013 Holiday Horror Binge & Purge event on DECEMBER 29, 2013

I’ve completed my [Goodreads] ňô¬∑Ŕ†‚ÄĘ‚óŹ‚ô• 2013 Reading Challenge ‚ô•‚óŹ‚ÄĘŔ†¬∑ňô – (ahead of schedule, and beyond my personal goal – go, me!) But, I’m still sitting here wishing I had read so much more! I need more time! More hours in the day, more days in the week… UGH! It’s so frustrating!
I started reading titles from StrangeHouse Books in 2013, and I wish I could say that I’m ending this year all caught up, that I’ve devoured them all quicker than a Cannibal in Fat Camp! ::sigh:: That, however, is not the case. But, it gives me a goal for 2014!!

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A Very StrangeHouse Christmas

“This collection of 9 twisted tales of Christmas horror brings together weirdo literary talent from around the world, all with the sole purpose of turning the most sacred of holidays on its head, and making sweet, sweet love to its defenseless ear holes!”

“Join SHB ring leader Kevin Strange, as well as StrangeHouse anthology alumni Rich Bottles Jr., Jesse Wheeler, KM Tepe, and newcomers like Lindsey Goddard and MP Johnson on this sometimes magical, always fucked up journey to the north pole. We promise you’ll never look at Christmas the same way ever again!”

For last year’s ‘HOLIDAY HORROR BINGE & PURGE’ event, my main Holiday book to read, and review, was A HACKED-UP HOLIDAY MASSACRE. (It turned out to be a book of all holidays, not just Christmas, but ‘Irreverent Merriment, Diabolical Debauchery, and Gory Good Times‘ were had by all!!) Hacked Up HOLIDAY This year, I started earlier and got to fit in many more books from my holiday horror wish list. Two of this year’s reads are fighting for the top spot on my Happy List –¬†A Very StrangeHouse Christmas¬†is one of the two.

INTRODUCTION:  Kevin Strange

Kafka’s Run by Billy Tea:
The Kafka’s are Gift Heads & they’re in the run. Gift Heads are a slave race to the fat man. Raised in prison camps, tended to by elves, and eventually beheaded when they reach maturity. Their severed gift-heads are offered as sacrifice to appease the tiny Earth Gods. Fantastic story.
KafkasRun

Do Not Buy by MP Johnson:
A ‘Tickle This’ kind of story! Quick, gross, and wonderful!
ElmoAboutToGETTickled

The Unlisted by Jesse Wheeler:
YOU WANT NAUGHTY? You got it with this story! Sex, debauchery, violence, & more!

Image from the security camera in the Women's Plus Size dressing rooms

Image from the security camera in the Women’s Plus Size dressing rooms

Things in here had me cracking up (in between a gag, or a cringe) – one hilarious fact about these elves… they shit the cookie dough that Mrs. Claus bakes for Santa. When TSHTF, there’s a line about an elf who got so scared “he nearly nogged his pants”!! (It makes perfect sense that they pee egg nog, if they shit dough, right?!) WARM & FRESH!

Dear Santa Claus by K.M. Tepe:
A letter to Santa from the Naughty K.M. Tepe – If I were the fat man, I’d make sure every item on that list was specially delivered with added bows made of cash…

Think twice before leaving me coal again, ya Prick!!

Think twice before leaving me coal again, ya Prick!!

*Message for K.M. Tepe:
Ever since I opened up my very first MySpace account, I’ve used the same line in the About Me section of practically every account – still using it today.
After reading your bio in the back of this book, I just wanted to make a note of it just in case you see it yourself somewhere. There’s no “This town ain’t big enough fir the both of us” reasoning or mentality behind this note – It’s more like a brunch invitation! If you’re ever in Detroit, look me up… we can hang out in the alley behind Poetry Slam, guzzling coffee, and poking the corpse of Wino Willie!

Blood On The Highway by Lindsey Goddard:
The anguish of a mother’s loss is not bound by species.
A woman, her husband, and his brother are driving through a terrible storm, on they’re way for what was supposed to be a relaxing holiday. This is a very good SS! I’m hoping that Lindsey sees this and can recommend a better pic – one that looks like the inside of her brain!

This is an image that I found on a Google Image Search - It does not reflect the authors imagery in any way

*This is an image that I found on a Google Image Search – It does not reflect the authors imagery in any way

Kathi the Sexy Elf by Rich Bottles Jr.:
A department store Santa, who is following in his dad’s footprints as the jolly fat man for the same store, decides to do something remarkably sweet for his ‘Helper’ this year. The helper, Kathi, makes a very sexy elf, and she has some surprises of her own in store for Santa…
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I can’t wait to read some of the stories in Rich’s ‘humorrorotica‘ genre! Some links are provided at the bottom.

Christmas with the Family by Jonathan Byrd:
This one should be called “A FUCKED UP FAMILY CHRISTMAS”.
Other Jonathan Byrd titles on Amazon include –
BIG, The Jar, UNSHACKLED, and The Mommies Club. But, after reading this short, I’m not entirely convinced that it’s the same guy!! ūüôā

The Witch who Fucked Christmas by Kevin Strange:
This story is a tie in to one of Kev’s movies, but it stands alone just fine.
Set in STRANGEVILLE, ILLINOIS, a worn out & broke down Santa is about to go head to head with The Hag of Horrors herself – Sasparilla, The Weed Witch. The victor will hold the bag that contains all the magic of Christmas. But, you can’t expect the Hag of Horrors to play fair… can you?
Nixon and Hogan Smoke Christmas YouTube trailer
Hack Films / Kevin Strange on YouTube

I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday by Mike Lombardo:
Save the best for last, Kev? Yeah. I’m going to get this review posted, then go slit my wrists. xxoo¬†‚ô•

After Notes, Links, & Other Randomly Strange[House] Fun

I’ve been adding and updating this section since the original post, and I’m still not finished.
I would like to include as much info as possible for each author that is/was involved with SHB while the books below were published.
This section will eventually become a StrangeHouse Spotlight Page
**If YOU are one of those authors, please – contact me! I’d like to post any info/links that you would like fans to know about!!***

Check out the StrangeHouseBooks blog on WordPress
‘LIKE’ StrangeHouseBooks on Facebook

A VERY STRANGEHOUSE CHRISTMAS on Goodreads
Kevin Strange on Goodreads
K.M. Tepe on Goodreads
Rich Bottles Jr. on Goodreads
Mike Lombardo on Goodreads
Lindsey Goddard on Goodreads
Jesse Wheeler on Goodreads
Billy Tea on Goodreads
M.P. Johnson on Goodreads
Jonathan Byrd on Goodreads

DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW KEVIN STRANGE?
Take¬†this quiz and find out!! Post your results in the comments, I’d love to see them – I’ll Make sure that I get a link to Kevin, so he can see your results, too!

MORE SHB ANTHOLOGIES – GET SOME STRANGE!
The Last Gig On Planet Earth And Other Strange Stories
Strange Sex
Strange Versus Lovecraft
Tales of Questionable Taste
Zombie! Zombie! Brain Bang!
Scary Fucking Stories: A Strange Collection

VOYEURISM, in 140 characters or less –
@_StrangeHouse
@kevinthestrange
@freaktension
@BillyTea_AMDAD
@tusitalabruni
@SFerrariFOS

Other Books from Rich Bottles Jr.
LUMBERJACKED
“[‚Ķ] makes Deliverance look like a family raft trip down the Lower Gauley”
Hellhole West Virginia
“Eco-friendly vampires, beach-yearning zombies and sex-starved she-devils.”
The Manacled
“What happens when twin brothers lease out the former West Virginia State Penitentiary with the false purpose of filming a documentary on supernatural phenomena, but their true intention is to make a pornographic movie? Chaos ensues as the disturbed spirits of murdered convicts, along with the reanimated dead from the neighboring Indian Burial Mound, take their vengeance on the unwary and undressed trespassers. Zombies, ghosts, mobsters and porn collide in this bizarro tale from horror author Rich Bottles Jr.”
*I HAVE TO GET THIS BOOK!* (Update – Rich sent me a copy of this, along with some awesome author swag! Thanks, Rich!!)

Check out ‘Gross-Out Author’ Jesse Wheeler’s Dinner at the Vomitropolis¬†–¬†I have this, but haven’t had the nerve to start reading it yet.

The Big Book of Bizarro
The Big Book of Bizarro Erotica Collection
The Big Book of Bizarro Horror Collection
The Big Book of Bizarro Sci-Fi & Fantasy Collection

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Visit the official website of Mike Lombardo’s Reel Splatter Productions! They’re a small independent horror-comedy troupe based out of Lancaster, Pennsylvania whose goal is to prove artistic expression can involve necrophilia & chainsaws! Visit RSP now, and see some horrible monstrosities commit unspeakable acts! YAY!!

http://www.ReelSplatter.com | Facebook.com/ReelSplatter

Writer/Director/FX Artist and author of this book’s SS titled I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY – Mike “Dr.Chud” Lombardo just released THE STALL on DVD and it is ready to ship!
It’s the story of a young pizza shop employee whi finds himself trapped in a public restroom during the Lovecraftian apocalypse. The DVD contains buckets of exclusive bloody extras that aren’t available on YouTube.

A Hacked-Up Holiday Massacre: Halloween is Going to be Jealous on Amazon

A Very StrangeHouse Christmas on Amazon

IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER by M. R. Sellars

Published December 24, 2016 by Shadow Girl

THE SMALL TOWN OF HULIS, MISSOURI
HAS A KILLER CHRISTMAS SPIRIT…

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… AND IT’S¬†HIDING A KILLER SECRET.

In 1975 the small town of Hulis was ground zero in a frantic search for 10 year-old Merrie Frances Callahan, as well as an intense manhunt for her abductor.

35 years later, it seems the FBI would like to pretend it never happened.

Special Agent Constance Mandalay didn’t get that memo…

IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER is based on the short teaser novella MERRIE AXEMAS: A Killer Holiday Tale, (see below) but it tells the whole story of ten-year-old Merrie Frances Callahan’s 1975 abduction, and the present day murders that are somehow intricately linked to that event.

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5/5 Holiday Stars

I’ve been a Rowan Gant fan since I picked up my first copy of HARM NONE (I got it autographed, too – teehee), and I am so happy that SA¬†Constance Mandalay got her own story! (soon-to-be-series ūüôā¬†I¬†can’t wait¬†for Book 2:¬†INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE!!).¬†¬†¬†ITBM¬†is going to impact¬†the rest of the RGI Series for me. Constance¬†was already growing on me, but I like her character much more now. ¬†Getting¬†to go along with her on this investigation, and see how she handles¬†the (I’m quoting Ben here…)¬†“Twilight Zone” stuff¬†without Rowan being there is¬†eye-opening. ¬†I definitely see her a little differently, and have more respect for her. She has earned her place in The Ghoul Squad, haha! ¬†I would LOVE¬†to see both Constance and Ben shake off their traditional beliefs and… well… a girl can dream. ¬†¬†‚ô• Blessed Be!

SA Constance Mandalay is assigned what appears to be a 7-year-old cold case that echos the events of the 35-year-old child abduction. Unfortunately for all involved, the case heats up for a short time each year with a brutal murder that appears eerily staged, and occurs under impossible circumstances.

Undaunted, she faces the task with no backup, a mysteriously redacted case file, and the inevitable murder fast approaching.

Mandalay‚Äôs experience as the ‘handler’ for an FBI occult/paranormal expert (Rowan Gant) makes her the perfect choice for this investigation. However, even her brushes with the unexplained still cannot prepare her for the answer she was not supposed to discover‚Ķ

You can find In The Bleak Midwinter: A Special Agent Constance Mandalay Novel @

Amazon, Goodreads, and Smashwords

You can find Merrie Axemas: A Killer Holiday Tale (#FREE) @

Amazon, Goodreads, and Smashwords

Where to find M. R. Sellars online:

M. R. Land, Amazon, Goodreads, Facebook, Twitter, Google+,¬†Smashwords, YouTube, StoryFind, and if he ever decides to get back to pinning – Pintrest. I’m still trying to recruit all you horror lovers to switch to SlashBoard¬†instead – it’s Pintrest for Horror Lovers! Maybe we can follow him there soon ¬†series ūüėČ

~

Merrie Axemas – Book 0.5 of the Constance Mandalay Series

merryaxemas

LITTLE MERRIE CALLAHAN MAY BE ALL GROWN UP, BUT SHE STILL HAS AN AXE TO GRIND WITH THE MAN IN THE RED SUIT…

~

INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE: Book 2 of the Constance Mandalay series

THE END IS NEAR, IT JUST NEEDS A LITTLE PUSH…

COMING SOON…

~

Check out the entire Rowan Gant Investigation¬†[RGI] series – I highly recommend the books¬†I’ve read so far, and I’ll bet I say the same as¬†I finish the rest of them. ¬†¬†

~

My autographed copy of HARM NONE can’t be replaced, so¬†I was especially giddy when I saw¬†that M. R. Sellars uses AuthorGraph! Now my ebooks are virtually signed ¬†ūüôā ¬†¬†Stop by and get your new M. R. Sellars ebooks personalized, too!

~

Be sure to check out all of the M. R. Sellars and other WillowTree Press Author logo-ed swag available @ On The Edge Graphics: Purveyors Of Official Author Swag & Other Graphical Oddities  http://www.cafepress.com/otegraphics

 

)O(

Easter Eggs and Bunny Boilers: A Horror Anthology

Published August 31, 2016 by Shadow Girl

“Follow only if you be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! 
Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair, so brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further!”
“For death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth.”

EE&BB.Cover

‘Experience demented rabbits, chocolate obsessed children drowning in their own greed, serial killers, resurrection and more in this collection guaranteed to kill the cravings of your sweet tooth.’

 


bunny shadowDesert
by Matt Shaw
“If you’re good – you get chocolate! If you’re bad… He hops right on by…”
Matt Shaw kicks off this collection with a dark tale about a boy who is on Easter break from school, but wishing he was anywhere but home at the moment.

There is a strange noise coming from the hallway –¬† had someone broken in to abduct him, or to hurt his family? Terrified, he grabs a cricket bat and ventures out to see what is lurking in the shadows…

 

On a more personal note…
DESERT is a heartbreaking short story –¬†‘Justin’ is such a brave, wise, and generous little boy who is continuously hurt by the man who is supposed to love him unconditionally. Reading this¬†(and please forgive me for saying this…),¬†makes me want to hunt down the “Senior Sperm Donor” and punch him in the face. ¬† ¬†So… Happy Fucking Easter – let’s move on.

 

BastardBunnyBastard Bunny by David Owain Hughes ¬†Don’t make fun of the guy in the bunny suit – you never know when he could just SNAP and lose his shit! Take a lesson from the people who survive office massacres – throw the weirdos a Snickers every once in a while, and keep your comments to yourself.

 

rabbit priestDuncan Ralston provides us with an entirely different definition of¬†‘resurrection’ in His Is Risen!

Want to know more about this SS? There is only one way to find out what is behind the door…

*Bonus points for teaching me¬†‘DRWS MARWOLAETH’.

 

EEBB Chickens Poultry UprisingThe Chickens and the 3 Gods by Kit Power
The chickens loved C’ra and R’ak. They¬†tried their best to please, and defer to their Hen & Cock Humans – until the day they brought¬†the mini-human, B’rok to the garden. B’rok brought terror and destruction, yet C’ra and R’ak did nothing to save them. The chickens had been forsaken by their Gods, and now a change in power is in order. ¬†¬†¬†

 

Wicker BasketsWicker Baskets by Kindra Sowder

Little Jesse loves any holiday that brings with it the promise of candy. He goes to bed excited to find out what the Easter Bunny will bring him in the morning. What he finds when he wakes up will make this an Easter that he will never forget.

 

 

LastEasterEggMy Last Easter by Jack Rollins ¬†First off, kudos to¬†the author¬†for the name of his¬†main character! Way to show some love, Jack! ¬†Second – the little sister, Charlotte, grated my nerves… what a whine-y, tattle tale little bitch! I’d look forward to my last Easter if I had to be around that every day.

 

LepusLepus by Stuart Keane
SK¬†puts a modern horror spin onto the mythology, astrology, and¬†lexology of Lepus – and it’s genius.

  • FunFact: I made a Kindle Note @ Location 1358¬†that reads: “Cue background music HERE” (I always have background music. The CD will be available for purchase at my funeral).

 

follow me down the rabbit holeLittle Bunny by Glenn Rolfe
The fluffy brown bunny draws Marlow Shuman deep into Brenner’s Woods where the line between her nightmares and reality is blurred. ¬†She comes face to face with the past, and things aren’t¬†what they seemed – but which¬†version of “the truth” is correct, and who can be trusted?

 

EEBB RunRabbitRun Rabbit Run by Michael Bray
Gerald Rose is going to make a statement this year and show¬†people¬†the error of their ways. Easter isn’t about gorging Cadburry eggs & marshmallow Peeps – no sir.¬†¬†Reverend Rose is going to show people the true meaning of Easter.

 

BunnySnapsWhen A Bunny Snaps by Jim Goforth
Josiah is¬†celebrating Easter at one of his favorite bars – Fantasy Dress. He’s on the wrong side of sober when he sees Bunny sneak out for a smoke break, and he decides to follow her to have a little ‘chat’.¬† Beaten, bloody, and bruised in the alley behind the bar – she can take no more. Something in her snaps, and nothing is going to stop her from getting the payback that she deserves.

 

IshtarRebornHelp Me by Neil Buchanan
Jo wakes up from a wicked bender with very hazy snapshots of the night before starting to come into focus. ¬†There’s also a little voice calling out for help inside his head – ¬†which he is not in the mood for right now.
However, Ishtar is in no mood to be ignored.

 

EEBB Horace BWEducating Horace by Matt Hickman
Being 14¬†isn’t a picnic for any kid, but for Horace Davidson it is a¬†nightmare. He has been coddled by his mother his entire life,¬†becoming¬†an overweight, under-educated misfit bullied relentlessly by his peers. ¬†He escapes the torment by losing himself in daydreams & fantasies, but not today. ¬†Today is Easter, and his mom has more than chocolate to put in his wicker basket this year.

 

cadbury-screme-egg

Deb Loves Robbie by Mark West

This short made me feel like I was riding through a Romeo and Juliet themed Tunnel of Love, if it were created by David Lynch, and George Romero!

‚ô• ‘Robbie & Deb ~ Nor Death Do Us Part’¬†‚ô•

 

Tradition.Kyle M. ScottThe Tradition is explained to us by Kyle M. Scott. Local legend says that the true spirit of Easter, embodied by a creature that predates Christianity, demands sacrifice in order to keep the children of Abbington Wood safe year after year.
The first born child of any household, under the age of 18, has to paint themselves onto an egg and offer it up to the creature.¬†If the representation of the soul isn’t offered up willingly, the creature will come to collect the real thing. You don’t want to do things the hard way.

* recently released as book four of the Razorblade Candies series.

 

EEBB HeyZHey-Zeus by Duncan P. Bradshaw
Easter Eve is one of the¬†biggest bar nights of the year, I’ve missed more than one Easter Sunday breakfast with the fam because I was too hungover to even think about smelling ham & deviled eggs ¬†ūüė°
Ed, Guy, and Harry party like goddamn rock stars on Maundy Thursday. I thought I’ve partied, but I’ve NEVER reenacted The¬†Easter Story with my friends! 3:)

 

Feldman's RabbitFeldman’s Rabbit by Rich Hawkins
The man that entered the old house was shivering, starving, and half-frozen, but¬†determined to survive. He can sustain with the Easter basket he found – “Feldman’s going to be just fine.” ¬†But, is¬†he? ¬†Is¬†the house driving him mad, the chocolate Easter eggs he consumed, ¬†or was he half-mad to begin with? ¬†It doesn’t matter, because Feldman is happier than he could ever remember being.
 
 
EEBB ZJ

On The Third Day by Graeme Reynolds

What have I been telling you all these years?

“If it shambles like a zombie, and groans like a zombie…”

…you know how to finish that sentence.

 

ostaraEaster Eggs by Chantal Noordeloos
If¬†a newly pregnant¬†Rosemary Woodhouse¬†traveled to¬†Summerisle with her husband for a pagan holiday ritual with the fam – it might turn out something like EASTER EGGS. ¬†Chantal has captured elements of two iconic¬†horror films and weaved them into¬†a darkly¬†original story that will stay with you long after you’ve finished.

 

EasterHunt.JRParkEaster Hunt by author JR Park
Old Pat was hiding this year’s batch of chocolate eggs for the Church’s annual Easter Egg Hunt when he disappeared into the odd, cream colored mist. ¬†Once Sunday services were over, and the strange mist dissipated, ¬†the town’s children run towards the field to begin their search. ¬†They find a lot more than eggs to put in their baskets this year!

 

buddychristThe Jesus Loophole by Luke Smitherd

Forget about bunnies &¬†eggs; Easter is about Christ’s torture porn style death as atonement for all the sins of man, allowing us to ask for – and receive – forgiveness. But… what if you feel no remorse for you sins?¬†¬†Is it possible to “cheat the system”? If you want to find¬†a loophole in God’s law there are two men you can ask… Kevin Smith, and Luke Smitherd.

 

 

CONNECT WITH THE AUTHORS

Matt Shaw Facebook @The_Matt_Shaw
Graeme Reynolds Facebook @graemereynolds
Luke Smitherd Facebook @LukeSmitherd
Jim Goforth Facebook @jim_goforth
Stuart Keane  Facebook @SKeane_Author
Kit Power Facebook @KitGonzo
Jack Rollins Facebook @JackRollins9280
David Owain Hughes Facebook @DOHUGHES32
Rich Hawkins Facebook @RichHawkins4
Duncan Ralston Facebook @userbits
Kyle M. Scott Facebook @drphibes333
Duncan P. Bradshaw Facebook
J R Park Facebook @SinisterHC
Glenn Rolfe Facebook @GRolfeHorror
Chantal Noordeloos Facebook @C_Noordeloos
Kindra Sowder Facebook @KindraKinnaman
Matt Hickman Facebook @Matthewhickma13
Neil Buchanan Facebook @Stormbladepro
Mark West Facebook @MarkEWest
Michael Bray Facebook @Michaelbrayauth

Shadow Girl on Social Media

 

 

 

 

New Holiday Horrors!

Published December 25, 2015 by Shadow Girl

Need something new to read over the holidays?

Here are two new releases that I’m very excited about, and just bought them both…

William Malmborg’s Santa Took Them
feels like a Christmas-y version of HALLOWEEN – I can’t wait to read it. ¬†Here’s a quote from one Amazon reviewer – “Santa Took Them is a fun horror read for the season.”

Christmas Eve 2005. Eight year old Michelle Harper is the only survivor in a horrific massacre that has left her four siblings decapitated, and her mother slowly dying as her innards ooze out onto the second floor landing, the words SANTA TOOK THEM written in blood on the bedroom wall.

Ten years later, having been released from a psychiatric hospital for children, Michelle disappears, her uncle and his girlfriend found hacked to death with a knife before being decapitated, the words SANTA TOOK THEM once again written in blood on the wall.

Dr. Samantha Loomis had no plans for the holidays, and was hoping to spend the time simply relaxing in her home. That all changes when the police begin asking her questions about Michelle, questions that make it fairly clear that they believe her to be guilty of the recent slayings.

No one in Holly Brook, IL has forgotten the horror that unfolded on Christmas Eve all those years ago, and now, as a terrifying blizzard descends upon the small isolated town, and teens begin disappearing one by one, it looks as if that gruesome night was only the beginning.

 

Matt Shaw’s A Christmas Cackle: F*cked-Up Festive Shorts is from his Fucked Up Shorts collection – written mainly for KU subscribers, but still a steal at $.99! (IMO: All the books in the white cover series are worth owning!)

“These Christmas short stories are for hardcore horror fans.”

Christmas is a time for love and peace and…. oh, bollocks to that! Bah Humbug and all that! Give me Halloween over Christmas any time! Think of me as The Grinch! Think of me as Scrooge! Think of me as the miserable git who won’t be buying you a present this year because… Well…. You don’t deserve one and I am tighter than a duck’s arse! And – as for this book – think of this as short stories based around Christmas in typical Matt Shaw style. An ‘up yours’ to the festive period containing dark tales of horror and twists that you don’t see coming no matter how many Shaw books you have read.

Contained within this book:

The Night Before
Marley
The Snowman
Author Facts (based around Christmas no less)
Krampus

And the short story “This is HORROR” which introduces you to a key character coming in 2016…

PLEASE NOTE: There is VERY bad language in this book. If easily offended – do yourself a favour and sod off. This book isn’t for you.

 

What are you reading over the holidays?

SEASON’S BLEEDINGS by Jacob Rayne

Published January 12, 2015 by Shadow Girl

‘Blood for the blood God.
Love, yes, we love God.
Take from us this gift of gore.
Keep the devil from our doors.’

seasons-bleedings

 

This book contains two new twisted short stories for the holidays.

The title story, Season’s Bleedings, is Jacob Rayne’s version of how we came to follow certain traditions at Christmas – brightly decorated pine trees, gifts, and the man in the red suit with his magical sleigh.

In The Curse of Harry Land, a teacher knows that the best way to get kids to do something that you want them to do is to tell them not to do it.  Miss Hopper warns her students to avoid the house of Harry Land this Halloween.

‘It’s Hallowe’en, time for a scare,
If you trickor treat you’d best beware,
Don’t knock on the door of Harry Land,
Or the devil will come and chop off your hand.’

Season’s Bleedings also contains a bonus sample of The Lazarus Contagion.

Find Jacob Rayne on Amazon, Goodreads, Facebook, Twitter, and his blog Rayne of Terror.

Season’s Bleedings on Amazon.
Season’s Bleedings on Goodreads.

The Human Santapede by Adam Millard

Published November 14, 2014 by Shadow Girl

humansantapede

Santa Claus is coming to town…at least, that was the plan, but now his elves have started going missing, kidnapped by some insidious figure in a black cloak, and despite the magic swirling about the place, the toys aren’t going to put themselves together. So begins a terrifying game of cat and mouse as Kris Kringle searches The Land of Christmas for his abducted minions, unaware that he is to play an integral part in his foe’s plans.

Krampus is pissed at Santa after lending him his snowblower and never getting it back. His punishment? To build a Human Santapede long enough to stretch around The Land of Christmas, and at its helm, the jolly fat man himself. Can Santa – aided by his best foreman, Finklefoot – get his elves back, defeat Krampus, and save Christmas before it is too late, or will Krampus succeed in creating the ghastliest single-file organism the North Pole has ever seen?

Ho-Ho-Holy Shit, things are about to get messy…

AdamMillardCover

First, have you seen The Human Centipede (First Sequence), or The Full Sequence, or The Final Sequence? It may not be necessary to see the movie(s), but it gives you a better feel for just how bad things are going to get, and just how bad that ‘we had curry for dinner’ joke really is! (South Park spoofed it pretty disgustingly). I’m only kidding – Adam has re-imagined yet another *[beloved] classic, and made The **[in]Human Santapede into what is sure to be one of my favorite things for many upcoming holiday seasons!
furby
Taking subtle shots at Warwick Davis, Furbys, and E.L. James, Adam had me cracking up through another story that ended way to soon.

In the Land of Christmas, joy & laughter are spread like wildfire & chlamydia. Mrs. Claus is a ex-stripper, and a bitch-faced whore, who (in my mind) looks like a filthy, filthy Jessica Rabbit. Elves are missing, and Rudolph is nowhere to be seen. Someone is out to ruin the holiday this year, and Finklefoot is going to find out who it is!
Finklefoot isn’t about to save Christmas, or The Fat Bastard, for free. No sir. He, (and every other elf), wants a song written about him – one that will tell his story, and get stuck in the minds of humans everywhere for years to come.

Fun with intestines!

Will Finklefoot save Christmas, and get a Holiday Song of his very own, (like that slacker Rudolph)?

*“…you start putting brackets in things, you’re just going to make things worse. That’s why Meatloaf songs are terrible.”
**“…you start putting brackets in things, you’re just going to make things worse. That’s why Meatloaf songs are terrible.”

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candh.centipede

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