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That’s what friends do…

Published March 12, 2014 by Shadow Girl

DON’T STOP FOLLOWING MY BLOG BECAUSE OF THIS POST – I CAN EXPLAIN!!

Sometimes you find something so nifty, you have to drop EVERYTHING and play with it. And then, there are times when you find something that has a friend’s name all over it.
I found BOTH in one – and not playing with it… not an option!

I needed a work-space – and BBB became my PLAY-STATION!
See, just linking my friend to the super awesome thing – that’s no fun! For her to grasp the FULL EFFECT, she has to see…
Her name… SPELLED OUT WITH CATS! OMG! How great is this!?

Since I haven’t posted this yet, I’m going to make two more really quick. I always wanted to see my name in lights, but seeing it in cats… who can say no to that? Not I.

Shadow Girl


Becki And Dan


Nikki Hickman


Eric Nunn


Nikki And Eric


And, because I’m a dork, a childish dork, with a dirty mind…
OHMYGOD!!! LOOK AT THE “Y”!! And the exclamation point is a TAIL!!
You have no idea how happy I am right now…


After taking about this on FB yesterday – I had to make a few more…
Tonia was the first person I wanted to make one for, she appreciates all things quirky! I also thought that her RAILROAD! series needed a mascot…

2014-03-12 18.56.18

2014-03-12 19.04.08

That made me remember Chantal…

2014-03-12 18.54.12

By now, I’ve figured the font out a little better, and was able to fit BBB all on one line, and one more generic one…

2014-03-12 19.21.51

2014-03-12 19.07.41

Stop the violence!

Published March 9, 2014 by Shadow Girl
Just say "NO!"

Just say “NO!”

The History of the English Language (combined)

Published January 16, 2014 by Shadow Girl

A look at the history of the English language from The Open University –
A 10 part series, combined into one hilarious video.

The Twelve Days Of [A Writer’s] Christmas (by Debbie Ridpath Ohi)

Published December 28, 2013 by Shadow Girl
Debbie Ridpath Ohi (Found on C.N.'s FB wall)

Debbie Ridpath Ohi (Found on C.N.’s FB wall)

Amazon Reviews… Sometimes, theyre better than the product!

Published December 28, 2013 by Shadow Girl

I wish I could take credit for finding this actual product, and the reviews, but the props go to Sulu. George Takei posted this Book on social networking, highlighting one of the comments / reviews. It was funny, as everything George Takei posts is, but… I kept reading – and I read comment gold!

I hope that your funny-bone is as crooked as mine!

THE PRODUCT:

How to Avoid Huge Ships by Captain John W. Trimmer SECOND EDITION
Subtitled: Or: I Never Met a Ship I Liked
The first edition of this hook was self-published from the author’s home in Seattle. It is a maritime operations guidance book, intended for a specialized audience (the captains or operators of small private boats such as yachts and trawlers), the book gives advice on appropriate avoidance actions when confronted by the near presence of a large ship such as a freighter, along with anecdotes and background information such as the capabilities and operating procedures of the large ships.

This book has enough 'useful' information to fill 122 pages!  Are they hanging around in bad crowds? Joining gangs? Stalking their victims?

This book has enough ‘useful’ information to fill 122 pages! Are they hanging around in bad crowds? Joining gangs? Stalking their victims?

This book gets a rating of 3.7 out of 5 stars, and has a whopping 983 customer reviews, and that number is rising every few minutes. (It’s gone up by 4 just during the time it took to write this post!) (Reviews up to 1056 now! Sulu’s post sure brought us weirdos out!)- Amazon does not have this book available for purchase, but it does link you to 27 people who are selling it – with prices starting at $129.06 for used copies, and $225.18 for new ones – rising to ridiculous amounts – all the way up to $1899.33!

THE REVIEWS: The posts included here range from…

NORMAL

“I found this book very informative an well written. ”
– from: Truffle (46 reviewers made a similar statement)
“I tore open its cardboard protective layer like a lion tearing into a fallen antelope. ”
– from: Artemis Finkel (42 reviewers made a similar statement)

TO FUNNY

“Now I know what that steering wheel thingy is for”
5/5 Stars from: Cap’n Crunch:
This book really is one of the best huge ship avoidance references I’ve come across, not just for the effective methods it teaches as to avoiding huge ships, but also for exploding some of the huge ship avoidance myths that many of us take for granted.

For example:
Do not charge the huge ship at full speed in an attempt to scare it off. This may work with coyotes, but it is less effective with huge ships.
– Similarly, do not roll your boat over and play dead. Unless the huge ship is captained by a grizzly bear, this will not work.
– Do not attempt to go under the huge ship. This is typically not successful.
– Do not attempt to jump over the huge ship.

Captain Trimmer presents a rather novel technique for avoiding huge shipsmove your boat out of the path of the huge ship. I know what you’re thinking, this goes against conventional wisdom, but Trimmer presents significant empirical evidence to support his theory. Indeed, over the long run, moving out of the way will dramatically decrease the number of huge ship collisions you will have to endure in your daily life.

TO HILARIOUS

“Reads like a whodunnit!”
5/5 Stars from Citizenfitz:
I bought How to Avoid Huge Ships as a companion to Captain Trimmer’s other excellent titles: How to Avoid a Train, and How to Avoid the Empire State Building. These books are fast paced, well written and the hard won knowledge found in them is as inspirational as it is informational. After reading them I haven’t been hit by anything bigger than a diesel bus. Thanks captain!

TO REVIEWS FROM INANIMATE OBJECTS

“Good Advice For Most Readers, But Doesn’t Cover All The Bases.”
3/5 Stars from: Jamie:
There is one major oversight in this generally well-written book, and that is that it addresses animate readers exclusively. As a large rock in the Tyrrhenian Sea off the coast of Giglio Island, I have recently been confronted with instances in which avoiding huge ships was of fundamental interest to my personal well-being. However, the methods presented in Capt. Trimmer’s book were none too useful in my efforts to avoid huge ships, as I was recently struck by a very large ship indeed, a cruise vessel called the ‘Costa Concordia’. I think the ship came off slightly worse in the exchange, but the experience was disruptive to my afternoon and rather jarring. In a situation such as this, Capt. Trimmer’s advice would have been immensely beneficial to humans, fish, seabirds, and other animals, but I am none of those things. I’m a big rock. I can’t zig-zag or duck and cover. Rocks don’t do that. I’ve tried. I tried some time ago to scoot over to the left a bit to get some better sunlight, and it took me three thousand years! That’s not fast enough to avoid even the slowest huge ships. It is for precisely this reason that I would advise Capt. Trimmer to augment this edition with a section intended for readers like me–perhaps “How To Avoid Huge Ships If You Are A Rock, Iceberg, Or Coral Reef”. There is a market out there for this, Capt. Trimmer, and I assure you it would be well worth your time and effort.

AND REVIEWS FROM OTHER SHIPS

“Large beamed, please!”
1/5 Stars from: Altair Voyager:
I am a huge ship. Imagine having an entire book devoted toward actively avoiding you and your kind. I have always been bigger than other ships – and yes, I have endured years of being moared in the distance, never being able to enter the shallower bays, requiring tugs to guide me in – but now THIS! Mr. Trimmer, you sir, should be ashamed! Please do not be swayed by his drivel. I ask that you judge me not by the size of my cargo hatch but rather the content of my wheelhouse.

“End the Discrimination!”
1/5 Stars from Michael P.Ball:
For privacy concerns, call me Ishmael. I am a large ship. I’m saddened to see the anti-big ship lobby is at it again.

THERE ARE REVIEWS AS SONG LYRICS

“I like big ships and I cannot lie.”
5/5 Stars from: Amy Hopkins:
I like big ships and I cannot lie
You other tugs can’t deny
That when a tanker floats in with an itty bitty porthole
And a round ship’s wheel in your face
You spring a leak
Wanna pull up anchor
’cause you notice those containers were stuffed
Deep in the cargo hold she’s carrying
Help other customers find the most helpful review

AND, REVIEWS FROM ‘CONFUSED’ BOOK BUYERS

“Caution: Check the title before purchase”
3/5 Stars from: Graham Thomas:
I live near a park and frequently walk around the local area. Given the amount of dog mess that is on the pavements I thought this book would be the ideal read to stop me having to scrape my shoes on the grass before going home. It was only after it arrived that I looked closely at the title and realised it said ‘How to Avoid Huge SHIPS‘. A simple error that means I am still treading on massive examples of canine excrement. Having said that, I read the book anyway, and I’m pleased to say I’m not even having near misses with huge ships anymore. No sir, they aint getting anywhere near me!

AND THEN, THERE ARE THE REVIEWS FROM INSIDE THE ASYLUM –

“Extra-Biblical traditions regarding huge ship avoidance.”
5/5 Stars from: Salomon Isaacides:
As reported by Epiphanius, and confirmed in modern times with the discovery of Trimmer’s texts at Nag Hammadi. Noah’s wife is said to have found many copies of Captain Trimmer’s writing’s in abandoned pastures. Ancient rabbinical homiletical interpretations of “How to Avoid Huge Ships” reveal the popularity of this book among unicorn herders of this time

Even the one star reviews are only posted for the sake hilarity, I could search and find one to post that is a bad review, but – nah! Let’s keep it all for fun!

How to avoid this book!
1/5 Stars from Darren Moran:
This review is from: How to Avoid Huge Ships (Paperback)
Stumbled across this while looking for books on how to attract huge ships. This book is awful and vaguely racist.

I didn’t get close to reading even 10% of these! Even though there are bound to be many that are the same, I can predict at least an hour’s worth of fun from the review section of this book’s Amazon page!!

61yOpmH9rDL._SL500_SY300_
*WIKIPEDIA has a page dedicated to this book, some of the book’s synopsis came from there. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/88888
*This title can also be found on GOODREADS. The comments from members are practically the same as on Amazon – and, the numbers are rising fast!

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN SEEING MORE FUNNY/AWESOME PRODUCT REVIEWS?
I’m thinking of adding a page strictly for this, and updating it as I find them.

Have you found, or posted, any reviews that you NEED to share – so you’re not laughing alone?
Share here, in the comments! I’ll be sure they make it to the new page, too – If I make it…

P, L, & N ❤
~sg

So, how’s your blog doing?

Published October 7, 2013 by Shadow Girl

So, how’s your blog doing?.
Resurrected to share the fun!

We all want to change the world – The REVOLUTION Award

Published September 17, 2013 by Shadow Girl

“A great revolution in just one single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a society and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of humankind.”
― Daisaku Ikeda

By it’s very definition, a revolution is simply a desire for change.
— Jack Chaser

“Revolution”

click on image for details

SG ~ The First Shadow of the Revolution

You say you want a revolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it’s evolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don’t you know you can count me out

You say you got a real solution
Well you know
We don’t love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well you know
We’re doing what we can
But if you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell you is brother you have to wait

You say you’ll change the constitution
Well you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it’s the institution
Well you know
You better free your mind instead
[…]

What is ‘The Revolution Award’ ?

JACK CHASER, fellow blogger & writer of The Things I See Up Here, was thinking about these ‘blogger awards’ we sometimes are honored with being chosen for. I, like him & every other blogger I know, am very grateful, and I feel very humble (and giddy!) when nominated for one. A couple of my favorites will forever adorn my sidebar. (::smiling:: Remember your first?)
To quote from his blog post directly, he writes –
“The basic concept behind the awards passed around the blogosphere is simple. It’s a chain letter. You pass it off to others who then select a chosen few to perpetuate the cycle. It is a great way to help drive traffic from the blogs you have selected back to your own blog by making it part of the “rules” that the recipients have to link back to you.”
I’d really like you to read his post, because, he explains how these awards can quickly turn from Prestigious Award to a headache of a task when you can’t award just anyone back. You must adhere to a strict set of conditions, always sticking to someone else’s rules.

Jack is the first to slam his fist down & shout “NO MORE!”
Again, I quote –
“Why can’t I give the ” Blogger I’d Like to Fuck ” award to someone who posts photos of food they have cooked that looks so good I want to lick the computer screen? Why can’t I give the “Best Moment” award to someone who posts a video of their kid falling asleep on the toilet?”
I, for one, am following suit!! Slamming my fist down, adding a foot stomp for good measure, & shouting…

“NO MORE!”

This moment, as you read this is the birth of a revolution. We, as writers, literally shape this world we have created and a revolution begins with a single change. I want to change the way we think about each other and the way we appreciate each other.”

And, that is what he has done! He has made a brand new award! THE REVOLUTION AWARD – one to be passed like a torch to any blogger who inspires us, or touches us. One that has no rules or stipulations. No seven facts about your genitals, or eleven reasons why you write what you write or your top 69 favorite foods. The only requirement… pay it forward.
Bestow it upon a blogger who made you smile, (or laugh, or cry) today.
Present it to someone who treats their blog as they would their novel.
Pay it forward to someone you think deserves it.

ArtRevAwd
The person who deserves this award from me is all those things, and more.
A master of horror, a weaver of words, a ¹BARD by modern definition.

Arthur Griswold, Art, Grizz, Pooh-Bear, man with the plan behind GRIZZ-TION.
*ARTHUR GRISWOLD – THE FIRST BARD OF THE REVOLUTION*
He used Grizz-tion as a home to some of his stories, (short and long), along with sharing some of the poetry that gravitated around his darker side. It was his coffee house to meet other writers, network, and generally ‘decompress’ his brain whenever needed.
Sadly, due to circumstances that I’m not getting into, Art stopped blogging.
Grizz-tion sits, waiting for his return. Fellow bloggers stop by and scatter the tumble-weeds, leaving with pouty lips & their heads held low.
Art still writes. He wrote a short story, a piece especially for his daughter – (I thought it had been blogged, but I cannot find it), that now graces the pages of Literary Orphans! (If his blog is a home for his work, LO is their summer cottage). As a matter of fact, Mr. Grizz is about to unveil something HUGE – but it’s a secret known only by The Keepers. We will fill you in as the project develops further.
Art, you deserve this for so many reasons. Your work is only the beginning.
You’ve inspired me in ways that I never thought possible.
You’ve been a sounding board, a cheerleader, a coach, and a teacher.
You RE-WROTE ‘Bushkill…’ – for me!!
A near & dear story which began from a spark in your mind and a beat in your heart. A story that, along with a select few others, was held close to your heart and seen by only the worthy, was changed. Changed to include my character, changed to support my story, changed to encourage me to keep writing!
You participate in any whimsical ideas I come up with, (Urban Legends), without complaint, knowing it encourages me to keep trying, to keep writing. And, you are currently participating in a compilation to make sure that Phobophobia sees the light of day.
If I listed every reason that I think you’re the bee’s knees, this post would be the length of an epic novel. I want you to understand how much I appreciate all that you do, and all that you are, because you ARE awesome.
I think that the blogosphere misses Grizz, but more importantly… I think Grizz misses Grizz-tion. That place of your own, your Man Cave on the web. Where the bullshit of life can be shed creatively. Tumblr is fun, but you need more. I believe that your ‘NOW’ is suffering, and I think you should give this another go.
If you’re not ready, or if you just say no, I won’t be mad, sad, or disappointed, Pinkey Promise. You still deserve The Revolution Award, because you’re YOU. xxoo
* (on a side note… I JUST ‘gotF.W.I.W.! Sorry for my occasional derpiness. AND… we’re changing the pic on your bio! ~ xxoo)

So to all of you reading this, pay it forward. Take this award as your own to bestow on anyone who inspires you. If they choose to honor you by telling everyone about you , so be it. I believe in the freedom to tell someone they are talented without having to list out the seven types of bowel movements you have had in the last month.

The Revolution Award, made by JC, is the one shown at the top of this post. I took it into my art program only to add the recipient’s name… and it came out like you see here. That is my editing, done only for this person.
The FIRST _____ OF THE REVOLUTION started in the comments section of JC’s original post. A fun conversation we had that day (which produced The First Pussy of the Revolution – CJ Riordan of Cliterary Review, The First Shadow of the Revolution…etc. ) hence [yeah, hence!] THE FIRST BARD OF THE REVOLUTION

urbndtny
¹Bard:
Celtic Word pertaining to individuals who are masters in the arts, music, story telling etc, as indeed the Celts were. Rabbie Burns Is a good Example of a Bard. Shakespeare on the other hand is not, as he is an English Twat who wrote boring and historically innacurate Plays.

Two Sentence Horror Stories

Published August 12, 2013 by Shadow Girl

We all know the shortest horror story ever written, KNOCK by Frederic Brown –
“The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door…”
Short, but terrifying!
It is so good, in fact, that people are always trying to duplicate it.
Nothing will ever be as good as the original, but there have been some amazing attempts made!
8This list of 40 Freaking Creepy Ass Two Sentence Stories was compiled
By MICHAEL KOH @ Thought Catalog (July 31, 2013)
Just like with any compilation, there are many different styles here. Some good, some bad. Some attempts at humor, or just plain old smart-assery, and one person (scar67) who plagiarized Brown word for word. I’m sharing the entire list that Michael Koh put together. When you’re finished, try to write your own two sentence horror story in the comments!!
I’ve tried. It is way harder than you think!

1. justAnotherMuffledVo
I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy there’s somebody on my bed.”

2. Gagege
The doctors told the amputee he might experience a phantom limb from time to time. Nobody prepared him for the moments though, when he felt cold fingers brush across his phantom hand.

3. Graboid27
I can’t move, breathe, speak or hear and it’s so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely, I would have been cremated instead.

4. AnarchistWaffles
Don’t be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet but never look up, she hates being seen.

5. therealhatman
I woke up to hear knocking on glass. At first, I though it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.

6. KnowsGooderThanYou
They celebrated the first successful cryogenic freezing. He had no way of letting them know he was still conscious.

7. pgan91
She wondered why she was casting two shadows. Afterall, there was only a single lightbulb.

8. Horseseverywhere
It sat on my shelf, with thoughtless porcelain eyes and the prettiest pink doll dress I could find. Why did she have to be born still?

9. bentreflection
The grinning face stared at me from the darkness beyond my bedroom window. I live on the 14th floor.

10. guztaluz
There was a picture in my phone of me sleeping. I live alone.

11. marino1310
I just saw my reflection blink.

12. hctet
Working the night shift alone tonight. There is a face in the cellar staring at the security camera.

13. Mikeyseventyfive
They delivered the mannequins in bubble wrap. From the main room I begin to hear popping.

14. tuskedlemon
You wake up. She doesn’t.

15. Calamitosity
She asked why I was breathing so heavily. I wasn’t.

16. madamimadamimadam
You get home, tired after a long day’s work and ready for a relaxing night alone. You reach for the light switch, but another hand is already there.

17. skuppy
My daughter won’t stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and ask her to stop, but it doesn’t help.

18. fluffyponyza
Day 312. Internet still not working.

19. anonymous_abc
You start to drift off into a comfortable sleep when you hear your name being whispered. You live alone.

20. StoryTellerBob
I kiss my wife and daughter goodnight before I go to sleep. When I wake up, I’m in a padded room and the nurses tell me it was just a dream.

21. waysafe
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work. To my horror, it came back with “–2,378,231 rows affected.”

22. HesusMendez
You’re laying in bed and with your feet dangling out of the covers. You feel a hand grab your feet.

23. TLFMOD7
The funeral attendees never came out of the catacombs. Something locked the crypt door from the inside.

24. The_D_String
My wife woke me up last night to tell me there was an intruder in our house. She was murdered by an intruder 2 years ago.

25. Ammorth
“Mesa called Jar-Jar Binks. Mesa your humble servant.”

26. vigridarena
I was having a pleasant dream when what sounded like hammering woke me. After that, I could barely hear the muffled sound of dirt covering the coffin over my own screams.

27. Scry67
The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door.

28. cobaltcollapse
After working a hard day I came home to see my girlfriend cradling our child. I didn’t know which was more frightening, seeing my dead girlfriend and stillborn child, or knowing that someone broke into my apartment to place them there.

29. comparativelysane
You hear your mom you into the kitchen. As you are heading down the stairs you hear a whisper from the closet saying “Don’t go down there honey, I heard it too.”

30. eyehate
I was stoned. And Taco Bell was closed.

31. genetically_witless
I never go to sleep. But I keep waking up.

32. ichokedcheryltunt
Nurse’s Note: Born 7 pounds 10 ounces, 18 inches long, 32 fully formed teeth. Silent, always smiling.

33. Aerron
She went upstairs to check on her sleeping toddler. The window was open and the bed was empty.

34. blaqkmagick
The longer I wore it the more it grew on me. She had such pretty skin.

35. VaultKid321
“I can’t sleep” she whispered, crawling into bed with me. I woke up cold, clutching the dress she was buried in.

36. dkmino
You hear the scream across the hallway, but your eyes won’t open and you can’t move.

37. scabbycakes
Being the first to respond to a fatal car accident is always the most traumatic thing I see as a police officer. But today, when the crushed body of the little dead child boy strapped in his car seat opened his eyes and giggled at me when I tried to peel him out of the wreckage, I immediately knew that today would be my last day on the force.

38. Owllette
I looked out my window. The stars had gone away.

39. hangukbrian
I always thought my cat had a staring problem, she always seemed fixated on my face. Until one day, when I realized that she was always looking just behind me.

40. yoshkow
The pairs of emaciated eyes outnumber the single round in my gun. With pleading tears falling on her doll’s hair, I point the barrel at my last surviving daughter.

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