tl;dr by Will Ross

Published February 4, 2015 by Shadow Girl

This anthology had me laughing out loud through the entire book. There’s no intro, no explanations… no foreplay – you’re just assaulted with snark, wit, and even a bit of juvenile humor (never too old for dick & fart jokes!). I wasn’t going to do a story by story post, but then I couldn’t stop myself.
Will Ross is someone I need to be friends with. Let the internet stalking begin!

FLOYD THE HAPPY PANDA AND THE SUNSHINE PATROL
In my best Joe Dirt voice… “When good mascots go bad – Dang!”
OMG, it’s too bad that my son is grown – I think I’ll start babysitting just to read this over & over as a bedtime story!

SOCKS AND THE INTERNET
This has to be read using your Barry White voice.
Seduction in your parents basement – ain’t love grand?

EQUALITY IN MARRIAGE
You sit patiently, you try to pay attention, but sometimes people make it too easy for your mind to wander. If you’re paving the road, I’m gonna take the journey!

I HAVE A SLIGHTLY LESS IMPRESSIVE DREAM
You may think it’s a slightly less impressive dream, sir – but I beg to differ. That’s a world I want to live in.

THE POLE
Murder, mercenaries, profanity… A happy little Christmas tale with Santa and the gang.
Frosty is definitely a Bruce Campbell fan! ::winkwink::
Bonus points for little Billy Sawyer of Detroit, Michigan.

SMACKING THE ALARM CLOCK
Making the alarm your bitch is very cathartic, but… it can backfire. Who’s the bitch now?

THE LEGEND OF JANGO STEPHENS: A TALL TALE
When he walks in the door, panties hit the floor. Jango Stephens – the man, the myth, the legend.

UNITAR, THE ONE HORNED GOD OF TOLERANCE
It may sound weird, but it can be so much fun! Looks like being a Unitarian is the way to go!

THE HELPFUL DEAD
You know it’s gonna be a bad day when you wake up with a hankerin’ for some zombie killin’, but the mouth breathers at Wally World just suck every ounce of life outta you.

ODE TO JACKSON POLLOCK
I’ll just let this one speak for itself.

PLEASE FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON YOUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT
‘In case of an emergency, nobody help the lady in 3-F.’
I read this SS, then had to read it again, out loud, to share the hilarity with my almost asleep husband. The fact that he didn’t kill me speaks volumes.

THE TROUBLE WITH OLDER HOUSES
“Ayeah ::snork:: There’s yer problem right there.”

EDWARD FROM TWILIGHT GETS BEAT FOR ABOUT THREE PAGES
Proof that fan fiction doesn’t always suck. Edward gets owned – American History X style.

WOMEN’S SHOES IN A MAN’S CLOSET
It’s not about being a pretty, pretty princess. It’s not!

DEAR BILLY, I’M SORRY, BUT I CAN’T STOP YOUR DADDY FROM HITTING YOU
I’m going to Hell for enjoying this as much as I did. “Keep your chin up!” Bwahaha!

HUG A PLUTOCRAT TODAY
Dr. Seuss went on another bender, then possessed Will Ross as he gazed at his computer screen.

THE DAY GOOGLE TOOK OVER THE WORLD
You can’t fight back, we have your browser history. Wow, that was gross. I can’t believe I helped you search for that.

GORILLA JET-PACK KNIFE-FIGHTS
Men died for my right to have a hovering, angry primate for defense. It’s in the constitution!

A LETTER I JUST SENT TO DUREX CONDOMS
Some authors make quite a living doing this 😉

GENUINE CLASS
A NAMBLA joke inserted for our twisted pleasure, need I say more?

BABY SOUP
“…and it probably counts as a baptism.” Bonus!
This brought back numerous dead baby jokes I learned as a kid. I’ll be pulling those out of the holster again soon.

HOW TO BECOME A WRITER
Familiarize yourself with the schedule. It can be grueling, but don’t give up! I believe in you!

THE DEFLOWERING OF CHASTITY ST. JAMES
A classy erotica-ish short…
OMG! They totally did it! And, there’s boobies!

LETTERS FROM GAY CAMP!
But, I’m A Cheerleader! (If you know the reference, you’ll love this SS.) “I spend quality time with my opposite sex camp partner. They have hair, and a face…”

FISH BABY: A CHILDREN’S TALE
We’ve come full circle.
Closing out the collection the way it began – with me searching Craig’s List for babysitting jobs.
Bonus points for turning it up to eleven!

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